


welcome to chaos, how may i help you? (please get me out of here)

by awhrea, EARTHT0M4RS, ItzJemStone



Series: a series of chaotic events [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Chaos, Crack, Family Shenanigans, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Multi, One Big Happy Family, Oops, The Author Regrets Nothing, This is a lighthearted fic, and most of the time philza has it, and they were ROOMMATES, bad is scary when he needs to be, consent or bye bitch, essentially everyone shares one briancell, everyone lives in one house, except make it authors bc theres three of us, minecraft men are rich, minecraft men are tall, oh my god there are so many people, oh my god they were roommates, semi social media fic, so much chaos, someone save philza minecraft, someone send help, theres something new broken everyday, these block mfs also tend to share one braincell, they kinda end up in jail from time to time, they're soulmates your honor, we always work on this and write at one am, while sharing one braincell, wingman sapnap, wingman vurb
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:15:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28438992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awhrea/pseuds/awhrea, https://archiveofourown.org/users/EARTHT0M4RS/pseuds/EARTHT0M4RS, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItzJemStone/pseuds/ItzJemStone
Summary: Dream blinked, scrolling through more replies, people contributing headcanons left and right. It didn’t sound like a bad idea. It really didn’t, and the more replies he read, the more appealing the idea was.An idea occurred to him. Food long forgotten, he bolted to his room and opened discord, messaging Jimmy, then, after a moment, Skeppy as well.He got replies remarkably quickly, both on board with the idea. Dream smiled to himself, pulling up a new google docs to set his plan in motion.This was going to be the greatest project he’d ever done.OR: all the block fuckers live together
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF) & Everyone, Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Zak Ahmed/Darryl Noveschosch, karlnapity is half romantic half platonic, literally like everyone lmfao
Series: a series of chaotic events [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2154078
Comments: 237
Kudos: 940





	1. EY YO THE FUCKERS ARE ALL HERE

**Author's Note:**

> hello welcome to this fic  
> be warned that there's a lot of chaos  
> the fic isn't in any means serious and is purely crack and all jokes.  
> we apologize if the flow of this is absolute shit we write at like 1am and are running on 3 hours of sleep and crack or some shit (rea tries her best to keep it making sense because she has 90% of our braincell)  
> updates will NOT be on a schedule, but we plan on uploading at least once or twice a month  
> length of chapters will also vary :DD
> 
> asgardixn is Rea (she/her), chaot1cdumbass is Mars (xe/they/it), and ItzJemStone is Jem (she/her)
> 
> jem: please help i sat here and formatted this whole chapter and messed up one thing which ruined like most of the chapter formatting so i had to redo it and i found out that rich text is way easier to edit on today and i felt really stupid bc i had no idea anyways please enjoy this fic we're having a really fun time writing it (i seriously hope i didnt forget something somewhere pls i will cry if i did)
> 
> rea: she wrote in the "(rea tries her best to keep it making sense because she has 90% of our braincell)" [its quite true. sadly. -jem]
> 
> mars: if there are any typos just ignore them like no seriously ignore them we dont take them seriously we just start laughing our asses off and forget to correct them
> 
> FOR THIS CHAPTER:  
> TW: Alcohol Use  
> it starts essentially at the words "A welcome party might’ve not been the best idea." til the end, but its all pretty much legal usage

_A plane ticket to Dream’s house. And a permanent room in his house._

George’s answer to the question still rang in Dream’s head even hours after the stream had ended, tickling at the back of his thoughts at all times. _Surely he’d been joking._

Dream groaned, sliding down his chair and dragging a hand over his face. This really shouldn’t be bugging him. It wasn’t like they were dating or had plans to, and it wasn’t like he _liked_ him, so why was it bothering him so much?

Eventually, he decided to worry about it later. He had a video to edit, after all.

It didn’t leave him alone for long. Dream sighed, giving up with editing for the day and making his way to his kitchen to grab some food. He took out his phone and began scrolling through twitter as he waited for his food to heat up. A certain tweet caught his eye, and curious, he opened it to read it.

 _@ItzJemStone  
_ _Ok, hear me out, dream smp but they all live in the same house  
_ _Like, imagine birthday parties. And road trips. And game nights.  
_ _→ @EARTHT0M4RS  
_ _Replying to @ItzJemStone BITCH GET ON DISCORD RN THIS IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA  
_ _→ @awhrea  
_ _Replying to @ItzJemStone @EARTHT0M4RS HOLY FUCK YEAH GET ON DISCORD RN_

Dream blinked, scrolling through more replies, people contributing headcanons left and right. It didn’t sound like a bad idea. It really didn’t, and the more replies he read, the more appealing the idea was.

An idea occurred to him. Food long forgotten, he bolted to his room and opened discord, messaging Jimmy, then, after a moment, Skeppy as well.

He got replies remarkably quickly, both on board with the idea. Dream smiled to himself, pulling up a new google docs to set his plan in motion.

This was going to be the greatest project he’d ever done.

* * *

It took a little over a year before they began asking people to move in. George and Sapnap were the first people Dream invited, Skeppy inviting Bad and Jimmy offering to wait a bit more before inviting anyone, seeing as the house was still a work in progress.

Since they wanted the house to be a surprise, they had to convince them to come without mentioning the house itself. It was relatively easy, simply telling them that they were hoping they could come help out with filming a Mr. Beast challenge video. Sapnap and Bad agreed almost immediately, though a bit surprised. George was much more skeptical, though he did agree without many complaints or questions.

Dream was excited. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this excited; maybe when he’d hit one million on youtube.

The point was, he was excited. _Very_ excited.

Jimmy went to go pick them up, returning nearly an hour later with two tired American men and a jetlagged british man.

Skeppy immediately went to hug Bad. Dream went to hug Sapnap, then went to hug George.

George, to Dream’s surprise, didn’t complain. Maybe it was because he was jet lagged or maybe it was because they’d never met in person before. Either way, George hugged back tightly and Dream soaked in the feeling of hugging his best friend for the first time.

“Okay, you lovebirds, we get it, first time meeting, romantic shit, blah blah blah. Can we see where we’re staying now or are we going to stand around for another half hour watching you two hug?”

“Shut up, Sapnap,” Dream retorted, no bite to his words. “Come on, I want to show you guys this. We’ve been working on it for nearly a year and we’ve finally reached the point where we can start inviting people; are you guys ready?”

“I don’t know, are we?” George remarked, yawning and leaning slightly on Dream. “Just show us the damn thing, I’m tired and I want to sleep.”

“Alright, lets go!”

The group followed Dream up the unfinished driveway, George yawning loudly as Sapnap followed quietly. Skeppy practically skipped up to the house, excitedly dragging Bad with him.

“So, what do you think?” Dream inquired once they got close enough to see the house.

“It’s unfinished,” Sapnap said pointedly, crossing his arms.

“But?”

“It looks nice,” Sapnap offered, walking up a few paces and inspecting the half built house. “It looks _really_ nice.”

“Great!” Dream declared, grinning widely. “Wanna move in?”

Sapnap turned to look at him. “Move in?”

“Yeah!”

“Hell yeah, brother. I’m down.”

“Wait, what?” George interrupted from behind them, rubbing his eyes and yawning for the upteemth time. “Move in?”

Dream smiled as he turned to look George in the eyes. “Yeah, move in. Skeppy, Jimmy, and I have been working on this house for a year and plan on inviting a ton of others to come live with us once we get the rest of the house built.” He grinned, placing his hands on his shoulder and shaking him lightly. “George, do you want to move in?”

George blinked, now appearing much more wide awake than before. “You want me to move in. With you?”

“And a bunch of others in the foreseeable future, but yeah. Do you want to?”

He smiled, lightly punching Dream’s shoulder. “Is that even a question? Yes, Dream, I’d love to.”

“Awesome!” Dream cheered, laughing and hugging George again. He grumbled, half heartedly hitting his arm.

“Okay, I get it, you’re happy. I’m happy too, but I’m jet lagged and desperately want to sleep. Can you show us our rooms now?”

Dream laughed and agreed, leading the two to their rooms as the sun set behind them.

This was going to be really fun.

* * *

Making a chart to keep track of whose turn it was to go shopping hadn’t originally been planned.

See, Dream had thought that keeping track of who was supposed to go shopping would’ve been relatively easy. Clearly it was much easier said than done, since some people (read: George) just didn’t seem to understand the term _‘Please go shopping for groceries.’_

“George, did you get the groceries?”

“No?”

“Why? It’s your turn to get the groceries!”

“No, I thought it was Sapnap’s turn!”

“He did it last week!”

“What?! I swear it isn’t my turn this week!”

“George, I literally asked you to go shopping yesterday!”

“No you didn’t!”

“Yes I did!”

George threw his hands up in the air in a symbol of annoyance. “No you _didn’t!”_

Dream slammed his hands downs on the kitchen counter. “Yes I _did!”_

“No!”

“George! It’s literally your turn!”

“No, no it is _not.”_

“George, I am, like, twice your height and weigh twice as much as you do. I will throw you over my shoulder and carry you to the goddamn store if you do not get your ass up and out the door _right now.”_

“You play minecraft for a living, you can’t lift shit.”

“Do you really want to test that theory?”

“Come at me, bitch! I dare you to go ahead and try!”

That had resulted in a twenty minute long wrestling match on their kitchen floor before Bad had walked in and scolded them. Dream ended up going with George to get the groceries.

If a calendar appeared with reminders of whose turn it was to go shopping, no one mentioned it.

* * *

It was another two months before they invited more people.

This time, they invited Karl and Quackity on Sapnap’s request along with Ant and Red from a random selector. They all agreed to move in, Karl and Quackity immediately dumping their things into Sapnap’s room as Ant and Red chose a room for themselves. The second floor was almost complete now, the first floor now done and only in need of proper furnishing.

“The house is coming along really nicely,” Skeppy commented one day at breakfast. Everyone nodded in agreement.

“So when are we inviting the next batch of people?” George asked, a fork of eggs halfway to his mouth. Dream shrugged, sipping on his drink.

“Probably sometime during the next week or two,” Dream answered, taking another sip. “Any specific requests?”

Everyone shook their heads.

“Alright, we’ll pull five people from the random generator and ask them.”

Everyone hummed in agreement. Breakfast continued on without another word.

The five people selected ended up being Sam, Philza, Wilbur, Tommy, and Tubbo.. Techno was invited a few days later per Philza’s request, as was Callahan after Sam mentioned him in a conversation over dinner. Everyone moved in relatively quickly, and along with all their luggage, it became evident that the typical peace that lingered in the house was now going to no longer be available.

In full honesty, they should’ve expected it to happen when Tommy was invited. Having Wilbur and Techno near him would simply heighten the chaos. But no, Dream went on foolishly thinking that the peaceful aura surrounding the house would remain.

He was very, _very_ wrong.

On Saturday, Dream woke up to distant screaming coming from downstairs.

“Tommy, what the _fuck?!”_

“Ow, Wilbur, don’t hit me with a pan!”

“Tommy, kindly get away from my waffles before I stab you with my fork.”

“Stop stealing the waffles!”

“Can you stop hogging the syrup?”

“Tommy! Why are you holding a knife!”

“No! Tommy, put that down!”

“Techno, do something! Ow, Tommy, what the fuck?!”

“Wilbur, put down the goddamn pan!”

“No!”

Rubbing his eyes, Dream made his way into the kitchen, yawning as he pulled a hoodie over his t-shirt. Stepping into the kitchen, he blinked as he took in the chaos unfolding before him.

Tommy and Wilbur were in a fist fight of sorts, Tommy armed with a butterknife and Wilbur with a frying pan. Jimmy appeared to be trying (and failing) to stop them. Techno was sitting at the kitchen island next to Tubbo, who was shoveling waffles into his mouth. Sapnap sat on the other side of them, reaching tiredly for the syrup that sat just barely out of his reach. Sam and Philza were nowhere in sight, but their voices floating around indicated that they were somewhere nearby. Skeppy and Bad were sitting at the large dining table by themselves. Karl, Quackity, and Callahan were nowhere to be found or heard, so Dream assumed they were still sleeping like George was.

“Are we just eating waffles?” He asked Sapnap, handing him the syrup bottle. He mumbled a quiet thanks and nodded, pointing at the plate of nearly depleted waffles sitting next to the toaster. Dream nodded, grabbing another plate out the cabinets and setting two waffles onto his plate and grabbing a glass of water.

“What are they fighting over?” He asked Sapnap, waving in Tommy and Wilbur’s direction.

“No idea,” Sapnap answered. “Something about pancakes and waffles in a battle royale.”

“Oh. Couldn’t they be quieter about it?”

“Apparently not.”

The yelling continued for another five minutes before Philza came in and hit both of them, giving them stern looks before making his way over to the stack of waffles. They both grumbled and returned to their meal.

Dream yawned. “Say, Jimmy,” He asked, downing half his water. “Do you think we should invite more people or wait another week?”

“Well, I don’t see any reason for waiting. I say we invite as many people as we can, since that means we can go furniture shopping sooner.”

“Good point,” Dream said. “Who else do we have left?”

Jimmy pulled out his phone, pulling up a list of people they’d wanted to invite. “Well, we still have Ranboo, Eret, HBomb, Fundy, Niki, Purpled, Punz, Puffy, Zelk, Finn, Chandler, Chris, Ponk, and Alyssa.”

“Vurb and Spifey want in too,” Skeppy added from where he was sitting. “Oh, and Mega as well.”

“Alright. That's… What, seventeen people?”

“More or less.”

“So should we just invite them all right now?”

Skeppy grinned, sliding in between the two. “Why not? We can finally put that new limo to use when we go to pick them up.”

“Vouch,” Techno piped up. “I want to ride in the limo.”

“Okay then! We’ll invite them and get everyone who agrees to come plane tickets to arrive on the same day so we can pick them up in one trip.” Dream grinned. “Are we ready for the house to become even more chaotic?”

Everyone cheered.

Dream’s grin widened. This really _had_ been a good idea.

He made a mental note to go thank the twitter user who’d introduced him to the idea.

And everyone else in the replies. He couldn’t wait until he could do secret santa and prank wars and pool parties with everyone else.

He really, _really_ couldn’t wait.

* * *

Large groups weren’t uncommon. Celebrities weren’t necessarily uncommon either. Limo’s also weren't considered rare at airport pickup lanes.  
Now a combination of those three, definitely _was_ rare.

And it most definitely hadn’t been what Dan had been expecting to see when he’d arrived at the airport for his shift.

Now, the start of his shift had been relatively boring. The usual travel duos, small families, and the occasional club group of sorts getting picked up by a normal car or getting a taxi to their designations.

And then he watched a group of twenty or so people exit the airport, all of them looking different levels of tired and sleep deprived. At first, Dan thought they were one of those school travel groups. But then he realized that a few of them looked oddly familiar. He brushed off the feeling, thinking that they probably looked like one of his cousins or something.

And then a limo pulled up.

Okay, pretty normal. Not _normal_ normal, but something that happened often enough not to be considered out of place.

But it didn’t stop there. Out stepped someone who was well known through the youtube community; Mr. Beast.

Now this _should’ve_ been where the craziness ended. But that clearly wasn’t how the world worked, because two more rather well known minecraft players stepped out as well. Skeppy and Philza Minecraft, to be a little more specific.

They began waving over the group of people Dan had seen earlier, and it hit him that the reason why some of them had looked familiar was because they _were_ familiar.

Dan decided that he’d seen enough for the day.

He considered walking up and saying hello, but decided against it.

As he watched them load up the remaining suitcases and drive off, he wondered what could’ve possibly led to having so many people gather together for this.

Dan smiled. Whatever it was, he hoped that they had fun.

* * *

A welcome party might’ve not been the best idea.

Though, to Skeppy’s defense, parties were rarely a bad idea. Especially if they were welcome parties! What could possibly go wrong at one of those?

Well. A lot of things, apparently.

Honestly, Skeppy _should’ve_ expected at least _something_ to go wrong when he’d decided to throw a party for seventeen newcomers, half of whom were sleep deprived and ready to commit anarchy if they were to be provoked at the wrong time.

But no, Skeppy had simply gone on and thrown a huge party to welcome them to the huge house they were moving into.

Now, the start of it had gone relatively well. They greeted everyone, showed them to their rooms, and began the fun. Some of them had chosen to go straight to sleep, but most had stuck around. And, like most parties Skeppy threw, it started with a surprise.

Dream started the party off by throwing an unnecessary amount of confetti into the air and downing a shot of vodka. Everyone else cheered and began diving into the condiments, settling down in kitchen chairs and in the spacious living room.

Okay, wait. Hold on.

Why did Dream have vodka?

Skeppy didn’t remember having vodka on the list of party drinks. Bad wasn’t big on alcohol and Skeppy had doubted anyone would want to drink heavily at a welcome party, so the most he’d done was get a few beers. Where’d the vodka come from? And- okay, were those cocktail mixes?

Skeppy sighed. So much for a chill party. He didn’t even know who’d put the drinks there - likely Dream, considering his bottle of vodka from earlier. Or just someone wanting an excuse to drink. Skeppy wasn’t sure.

“Skeppy! I thought we agreed on light alcohol only!”

“We did!” Skeppy exclaimed, throwing his hands up in protest. “Someone just put out a bunch more drinks when I wasn’t looking and now it’s too late to get rid of them!

Bad eyed him suspiciously. He didn’t blame him - after all, trolling and lightheartedly lying to him _was_ pretty common. Skeppy sighed and took out his phone, handing it to him with the party planning notes open.

“Here, here are the plans and lists I made for this! See, beer is the only alcoholic beverage on there! I swear everything else was put there by someone else.”

Bad skimmed the notepad, frowning but nodding as he sighed. “We’re going to end up with so many drunk people.”

Skeppy nodded solemnly. “We definitely are.”

“You’re not going to be one of them, right?” Bad asked, knowing that he would definitely at least get tipsy despite how he answered. Skeppy grinned, patting his shoulder.

“I won’t drink, I swear.”

“Promise?”

“No,” Skeppy responded automatically. “I don’t want to make a promise I’m probably going to break.”

“Aww,” Vurb said from behind them. “Isn’t that sweet.”

Skeppy and Bad jumped, Skeppy immediately sending a half hearted glare towards his direction. “What?!”

“Nothing, nothing,” Vurb waved him off, almost sassily leaning against the kitchen counter and smirking at them. “It’s nothing.”

Bad smiled. “How was your trip?”

“It was good!” Vurb replied. “I got lost at the airport twice but that’s irrelevant. I’m just super excited to be here!”

“Yeah!” Bad agreed, happily engaging in the conversation. Skeppy left them, moving on to say hello to everyone else.

Meanwhile, Dream wasn’t the only one drinking a bit aggressively. Fundy and Wilbur had also gotten themselves drinks alongside quite a few others, including but not limited to Red, Sam, Puffy, and George.

Sapnap had started a never have I ever drinking game, and at least half of the people had agreed to participate. It already looked chaotic, with Dream and George already giggling in the corner, Wilbur ranting about _something,_ Tommy attempting to either murder or bribe Techno, and a good third of them already drinking quite heavily. Ranboo looked ready to pass out, since he had taken it upon himself to make sure no one somehow hurt themselves whilst drunk. Skeppy had decided on simply watching, wanting to at least stay somewhat sober for Bad.

Sapnap banged on the coffee table in a means of getting everyone’s attention. Everyone quieted save for the few people still in the kitchen, giving Sapnap their full attention.

“So. I’m sure you guys are aware that we’re playing never have I ever; the drinking version. Obviously the three - wait, Ranboo, are you playing? No? Okay, well, obviously, the two minors, Tommy and Tubbo, will not be drinking alcohol. Chances are, this is going to get a bit hectic, so if you want to leave, do it now.”

“And if you don’t want to answer a few questions, that's okay!” Dream added, giggling. “Just say no and we’ll understand. Consent is the number one rule here!”

Sapnap pointed at Dream. “Yes. That. Alright, that being said, shall we begin the fun?”

Everyone cheered. Sapnap grinned.

“Alright, I’ll start us off. Remember, if you have done said thing, you take a drink. If you haven’t, sit there and be lame. Okay. Never have I ever fallen in love with someone through the internet.”

Ant, Red, and Dream immediately took a sip from their drinks. After a slight hesitance, George took a sip as well.

Sapnap raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t you, Karl, and Quackity have to drink too?” Fundy asked.

“Depends. Does a mostly platonic relationship count?”

Everyone shrugged.

“I say you drink anyway,” Wilbur grinned, “It’s more fun.”

Sapnap shrugged, taking a sip. Karl and Quackity followed his lead, lifting their cups up to their mouths and drinking.

“Okay,” Sapnap said, wiping his lips with the back of his hand. “Dream, you go next.”

Dream’s response was almost automatic. “Never have I ever gone skinny dipping.”

Wilbur took a sip, sending Dream a glare. Quackity drank some too, laughing.

“Huh. I thought more of you guys would’ve gone skinny dipping before.” Dream shrugged thoughtfully. “Oh well. Techno, you go next.”

Techno cracked his knuckles, leaning back in his seat and sighing. “Never have I ever skipped school.”

Almost everyone immediately reached for their cups. Dream took three swigs, laughing, and nearly choking on his drink in the process. Quackity just watched them with mild horror in his eyes.

“Quackity, you’ve never skipped school before?”

“No?!”

“Nerd!”

“Techno, you’re literally an english major, you can’t call me a nerd.”

“At least I’ve skipped school before.”

“Okay, I’m leaving. This is bullying.”

Everyone laughed, Karl grabbing Quackity’s arm to prevent him from being able to leave. “Who’s going next?”

Techno looked around the room, thoroughly considering his choices before deciding on Eret.

“Never have I ever questioned my heterosexuality.”

He immediately took a sip, chuckling. Ant and Red followed, laughing.

Dream, after a clear moment of hesitance, reached for his bottle and took a small swig.

George also took a quick sip, but he went unnoticed.

Eret pointed at Tommy. “Go ahead, Tommy.”

“Ah, yes. I’ve been waiting for my turn.” Tommy laughed, rubbing his hands together. “Never have I ever used a twitch prime on twitch dot tv slash tommyinnit.”

Tubbo took multiple sips of his coke. Techno and Wilbur both drank to it as well.

“Fuck yeah! Let’s go! Everyone use twitch prime!”

Collective whoops of agreement filled the room. “Twitch prime!”

“Tubbo, my man! Big Law! Take it away!”

“Okay! Never have I ever been rejected! Relationship wise, because the number of times my school research topics have been rejected is just plain rude.”

Nearly everyone reached for their drinks, sighing. Techno laughed.

“Losers!”

“Techno, you’ve never been in a relationship, you can’t say shit!”

“Exactly. If you’re never searchin’ for a relationship you won’t ever get rejected. Done. Problem solved.”

“He had a point,” Tubbo confirmed. “Gogy, you can go next!”

“Oh, me?” George sighed. “Okay. Um, what’s a good question…”

“Just go with the first thing that you think of!”

“Okay, okay. Never have I ever gotten drunk to the point that you couldn’t remember what you did while you were drinking.”

“Is this targeted at me or something?” Fundy asked exasperatedly, taking a swig as Wilbur sighed and took a sip along with him. Karl and Punz also drank, Karl sighing deeply as he did so.

They went on like this for quite a bit, Ranboo slowly switching out their alcohol for water whenever they asked for refills. Tommy, Tubbo, and Techno left halfway through. Eret and several others who hadn’t been participating in the game also left with them, yawning and bidding goodnight to those who planned on staying up.

Karl had passed out on the beanbag remarkably early on. He had, to no one’s surprise, been a lightweight. Fundy and Wilbur were both on their way there as well, though they still had ways to go.

George and Sapnap were now dancing on the table, Dream watching them (read: literally just George) with a bit of an awed look. He was also holding Sapnap’s phone, recording them via Sapnap’s request. Some random song was being semi-blasted through the kitchen and living room, keeping everything lively despite half of the people being drunk and half-passed out.

“Hey, Wilbur, what if you went skinny dipping again?”

“Okay, no,” Ranboo interrupted almost immediately, sounding a little irritated and beyond exhausted, steering Fundy towards a corner and handing him a pillow. “ _No._ You are now in the time out corner for ten minutes. Please remain silent during said duration unless you want your time to be extended.”

Ranboo left him, returning not even a minute later with a water bottle. “Here,” He said, handing the bottle to an extremely drowsy Fundy. “Drink this as well.”

Fundy nodded, complying and chugging half of the bottle almost immediately. He looked at it with a confused look that quite obviously read, _is this alcohol or not?_ But proceeded to immediately dismiss the thought and chug some more. Ranboo sighed, moving to hand Wilbur a water bottle as well.

“Hey, Dream,” George giggled from behind him. “I’m bored. I want to do something.”

Ranboo sighed again, turning to look at them. George, like he had been for the past who knows how long, was clinging onto Dream like a koala, (he was a clingy drunk, apparently,) hugging him tightly with his face pressed into his green hoodie, smiling contently and giggling every few seconds. Dream had his arm wrapped around him, holding him close.

Ranboo huffed. Somehow, Dream and George had gotten the most wasted of all of them and he somewhat regretted giving most of his attention to Wilbur and Fundy.

“We should go out and play on the trampoline,” Dream said. George gasped, nodding.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah!”

Ranboo watched as they got up and began running towards their backyard, stumbling and pointlessly shushing each other. Ranboo ran a hand down his face, giving up entirely for the night and just letting them go, praying that they didn’t accidentally hurt themselves.

Sapnap let out a low chuckle from where he was sitting. “They’re actual idiots,” He muttered fondly. “Wait, I need a picture of them. I’m going to put it on twitter and get so much clout. Or questions. Or both, I don’t really care. Ow, my head. God, I’m gonna have a headache tomorrow, aren’t I?”

Ranboo just handed him a water bottle robotically. Sapnap thanked him, twisting the cap off and chugging a bit of it before pulling out his phone and following Dream and George out into the terribly lit backyard. Laughter could be heard seeping through the open door, the occasional yelp and scream indicating that it was indeed George and Dream out there.

“I hate it here,” Ranboo moaned. “Why do I put up with this. Why do I let myself suffer through this. Why, just _why.”_

Bad came up and handed him a soda, patting his back sympathetically. “You’ll get used to it eventually. Though I do feel bad; they’re kind of difficult to control.”

“You don’t say,” Ranboo grumbled. “They’re like a group of preschoolers who have the sass level of a high school rebel. At this point I think trying to control them wasted is easier than trying to control them tipsy or mediocre drunk. That made no sense. Oh well.”

“You did a good job, don’t worry,” Philza offered, patting Ranboo’s shoulder. “Dealing with drunk people isn’t the easiest thing to do. You’ve done well.”

‘Thank you,” Ranboo said.

Philza nodded. “Would you like to go to bed? We can clean up here.”

“Oh, no, that’s okay,” Ranboo replied, shaking his head. “I can stay and help, no worries. I’m not that tired anyway, just a bit mentally done with basically everyone here.”

“I felt that,” Bad said, sighing as he guided a half asleep Skeppy towards the stairs. “One sec, I’ll be right back. Skeppy doesn’t want to walk up the stairs by himself.”

“Those two are totally clueless too,” Philza declared as soon as they were out of hearing range. Ranboo snorted, setting down his can of sprite and stretching out his arms a bit. “Definitely.”

“You should probably go check on Dream and the gang; they’ve been outside for a bit and personally, I wouldn’t trust them being outside by themselves for more than five minutes when they’re drunk.”

“Oh, wait, you’re probably right,” Ranboo answered. “I’ll be right back.”

He left to go check on said people, rubbing his eyes a bit and sticking his hands in his pockets in an attempt to keep them warm. Dream and George both appeared to have collapsed into giggles on the trampoline, Sapnap standing a little ways away from them taking picture after picture after picture. Ranboo sighed, mentally suiting up to get them back inside.

He took a few steps forward, clearing his throat and getting ready to call out, only to be elbowed harshly in the side. He glanced down; Sapnap was glaring at him, a finger pressed against his lips to tell him to shut up.

Ranboo raised an eyebrow, feeling slightly confused until he followed his gaze back to the trampoline.

Dream and George were acting like children, jumping around and giggling like idiots. They were stumbling slightly, but appeared to be having the time of their lives

Sapnap let out a short, breathy laugh from beside him.

“It’s sweet, isn’t it?” he whispered, a caring expression flickering across his features momentarily, before it reappeared and seemed to camp there. “Look,” he murmured.

Ranboo’s eyes snapped back to the trampoline, and a smile found its way into his face at the sight.

The both of them appeared to have fallen over completely at some point, and were now seated next to each other, Dream with an arm around George’s shoulders and the other raised towards the sky, pointing out - what Ranboo guessed were - various constellations to him.

Sapnap nudged him with his shoulder, nodding back towards the house.

“They’ll be alright,” he vowed. “Let’s go. I’m cold.”

The both of them cast one final look before turning, heading back towards the house and being greeted with quite a shock the moment they walked through the door.

Fundy appeared to have fallen asleep, and Wilbur was creeping towards him with a marker in his hand.

Well, Ranboo knew where this was going.

It was going to be a long night.


	2. let the chaos begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> breakfast, shopping, and pizza

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rea: this author note was written by rea because shes the only one with part of a braincell left after todays. events.
> 
> we're posting this in the middle of the sapnap patches picture meltdown. :)) this may or may not be on purpose, youll never know. right as we finished this mars proceeded to go fucking insane on discord because sapnap dropped that picture. enjoy. take this while we go cry
> 
> jem: thank you guys so much for the support??? like,,,,, we didn't expect to get as many as 1.3k+ hits and over 200 kudos like,,, we're so glad you guys are enjoying this :DDD (also yes w'ere fucking screaming and halving a meltdown in the discord and ive made over 30 typos typing my message don't be fooled i fixed all of them)
> 
> mars: *distant screaming*

The next morning arose slowly.

Everyone had ended up crashing by four am, and by the time the first person (aka H, one of the few with an actual sleep schedule) had risen, it was well past lunchtime. 

HBomb made his way downstairs with a yawn, combing his hair back with his hands. He stopped and stared at the sight of multiple people passed out in the living room, the most obvious being the dream team trio sleeping next to each other with Fundy sleeping in a corner with only a pillow, Karl snoring lightly on the hot pink bean bag that was most definitely not where it was supposed to be. He chuckled, snapping a few pictures for future blackmail and leverage purposes before making his way into the kitchen. 

From there, he dug around the fridge in search of ingredients or any sort of supplies to make a decent breakfast with. He settled on the huge collection of eggs and bacon, deciding on a classic egg and bacon breakfast. 

But of course, he couldn’t start cooking without an apron. 

He grinned to himself when he managed to find a _Kiss the Cook_ apron, immediately putting it on and lighting the oven. 

Twenty minutes later, the smell of freshly cooked eggs and bacon was wafting through the house. H sighed when he realized there were no hash browns anywhere in the house, settling for leaving out a toaster and loaf of bread instead. If people wanted toast to go with their eggs and bacon, they could make it themselves. 

Tommy had appeared at one point during the small duration that H had used to go to the bathroom, his slouched form scaring him at first glance. HBomb took a deep breath when he realized that it was just the six foot three gremlin of a child and not some stranger, debating on whether he should scare him or not. 

He decided not to, instead opting to create some small noises as he returned to the kitchen in an attempt to alert Tommy of his presence but not wake the others. It worked, since Tommy turned around slightly to look at him before immediately turning back to whatever was in front of him. 

“Good morning Tommy,” he greeted, smiling at Tommy. Tommy simply grumbled, mumbling a nearly indistinguishable “Good morning” back. 

“Isn’t it technically the afternoon though?”

If H jumped six feet in the air and nearly screamed, no one needed to know.

“When did _you_ get here?!” H accused, turning around abruptly to stare (glare? probably glare.) at Sam. Tommy burst out laughing behind him. 

“I’ve been here for a bit, actually,” Sam shrugged, opening the fridge and reaching for the orange juice. He waved at the food sitting on the counter. “Can I eat that or do I have to wait for more people to wake up?”

“I mean, go ahead, it’s free real estate. But actually, _how long have you been down here._ ”

“Eh, maybe an hour or so?” Sam said, pouring himself a glass of orange juice. “I was in the living room though, so it’s not that surprising that you didn’t notice me. _And_ I’ve been told I’m really sneaky when it comes to walking around.”

“You might as well as be invisible, I didn’t even hear you come down the stairs! And you’re - what, six foot seven? What did you even do in the living room? There are like seven people passed out and occupying literally all the available space in the living room.”

“Nothing too interesting,” Sam said, pulling out an erasable marker from his pocket. “Just thought I’d make their sleeping faces look a bit nicer.”

Tommy, who had just calmed down, burst out laughing again. Sam smiled mischievously. 

“Wow, okay,” HBomb said, his face morphed into a look of surprise. “I didn’t think you of all people would be one to do something like that.”

Sam laughed. “I’ve been told I’m a wild card,” he said, pocketing the marker and pulling out a plate. “I never seem like that at first though, so it always catches new people by surprise.”

He helped himself to a fairly large portion of the food and sat down next to Tommy, who had calmed down once more and was now scrolling through twitter. 

“Everyone’s just crying about Dream not streaming,” he grumbled, shoving a piece of toast into his mouth. “Dream’s not streaming, oh no, boo-hoo. Can I get something else on my twitter feed, _please?”_

“Sad,” Sam commented, pulling out his phone to go through his own twitter. “You _could,_ theoretically, complain about it to him.”

“He literally only listens to his mum and Gogy,” Tommy said, rolling his eyes. “And if good old Gogy can’t get him to stream, _I_ sure as hell can’t.”

“Well, it doesn’t hurt to try, does it?” 

Tommy shrugged. “Suppose not.”

“Good morning,” a new voice joined in abruptly, yawning. HBomb peeked his head from around the open fridge to say hello.

“Niki!” H greeted, attempting and failing to wave his arms in a means of greeting her. “Good morning!”

“Good morning, H! Good morning Sam! And Tommy too, good morning!”

“Good morning!” Sam and Tommy repeated back in synchronization. Niki smiled, moving in to help H with the millions of things he was carrying. “Would you like help with breakfast?”

“That’d be awesome, thank you!” 

As Niki began helping HBomb with breakfast, more people came filing in, drawn down by the smell of bacon wafting through the house. Somehow, Sapnap had been the only person who’d crashed in the living room to rise, everyone else still fast asleep in their respective places, weird positions and all. No one mentioned his newly grown marker mustache. 

The kitchen and dining room settled down rather quickly, everyone either too busy stuffing themselves or simply too tired to talk. Dream and George eventually came and joined them, still essentially attached by the hip and whispering quietly to each other. H sighed as he leaned against the kitchen counter and watched them all eat, bed heads untamed and eyes still tired.

In fact, very few people appeared to be even half awake, let alone fully awake. 

“Are we going to get house rules?” Ranboo asked, yawning slightly at the end of the questions. Murmurs of agreement rose. 

Dream put a hand to his forehead, holding his other hand up in a clear indicator that said _let me think for a minute._

“Okay,” He finally said, aggressively and abruptly slamming his hand down on the dining room table, successfully terrifying the fuck out of several people. “First things first.”

He gazed around the room, sending chills through everyone and very possibly dropping the temperature a little.

“Consent or bye bitch,” He declared with no context. 

The room stilled. 

They sat in silence, all of them staring at Dream in either confusion or surprise. 

“Well,” Ant finally said, picking up his fork to eat some more eggs. “That sounds like a pretty good rule.”

Dream nodded. “Consent is very important, whether the intention is sexual or not. Now, the second rule is, no screaming or loud noises between one and five am, since at least _one person_ will be trying to maintain their sleep schedule. Elaborating on that, the third rule is that if two-thirds or more of the house is asleep, yelling and loud noises aren’t permitted either. Am I clear?”

Murmurs of “yes” and “understood” rang through the dining room. 

“Okay! Also, try and get up by three. Uh, the next rule is that everyone should pitch in ten to thirty dollars every week for groceries. Don’t pay the minimum ten dollars the whole time though, because if you do I _will_ make you pay a minimum of fifty dollars for three weeks. Understood?”

Everyone nodded. 

“Okay, excellent! Now, since we’ll be having roommates and all, this is a very important rule. For the sake of keeping this move in a secret, _check to make sure your roommate isn’t streaming before walking into your room._ Please. Whoever screws that up is getting locked out of the house for three days.” Dream paused, looking around the room in a means of intimidation. “I think everyone understood that as well. The next thing on our rules list is that everyone will take turns getting the groceries and cleaning the house. If we have a meal where at least a third of the people show up, like this one, whoever didn’t cook helps clean. If you break something and the repair costs more than 5k, you’re paying for it yourself, because _you_ did that to yourself.”

“Just a quick intermission,” Techno interrupted, holding his hand up. “May I add a quick rule?”

“Oh, sure,” Dream said, caught off guard. “Go ahead.”

“Whatever you do, don’t say Quackity is four foot two. He hit me for it yesterday.”

The room burst out laughing.

“You fucking deserved it, you pig!” Quackity exclaimed. 

“Your punches couldn’t have been any stronger than a babies,” Techno deadpanned. 

Quackity sputtered, cheeks going red as he stood up aggressively in his chair and pointed his fork at him. “Shut _up!_ ”

“Settle down children, settle down,” Dream said. “While we’re at it, I might as well just make it a rule that fighting during meals should be kept at a minimum. Make sure to keep the spare offices clean; multiple people use those setups in the case of wanting or needing to stream at the same time as their roommates. Green screens are essentially mandatory now, sadly, but those are going to be provided, so don’t worry about having to buy one. You’re also responsible for keeping your own rooms and bathrooms clean. If we have guests over, _try_ to get up at a reasonable time. If you have pets and your pet shits on the floor anywhere, _you’re_ cleaning it up. You can’t switch roommates unless you have a genuine reason, so if your reason is because your roommates are having weird conversations at four in the morning, you’re just going to have to deal with it. And uh, I think that’s it!”

“For now,” Jimmy added. 

“For now,” Dream confirmed. “Any complaints? Questions? Concerns?”

“How do we know who we’re rooming with?” Ranboo asked. “Last night we were just kinda told to find a room with an empty bed to sleep.”

“Oh, yes!” Dream said cheerfully, clapping his hands together. “About that! We have like, sketched out ideas for who we want to room with who, but we’re going to leave the final decision up to you. The only people who don’t get a say in who they're rooming with are the four minors here; you guys are all stuck together.”

Tommy made a face at that. Tubbo poked him, giving him the ‘be nice’ look. 

“So what are the pairings you had in mind?”

“Well, here’s the list,” Dream offered, sliding a piece of crumpled paper to the center of the table. “Some make more sense than others, but again, the final decision is up to you. Everyone read through the list and voice any complaints you guys have.”

There was a good fifteen minutes of quiet chatter as everyone read through the list, somehow managing to pass around the paper without damaging it in any way, shape, or form. Everyone talked among themselves, chatting with their potential roommate to see if they were alright with the pairings or not. 

“HBomb has agreed to swap with me,” Sam voiced first, leaning back in his seat. “Eret’s cool with it as well.”

“Okay! We’re switching H and Sam then; anyone else?”

“Can I get a room to myself?” Fundy asked. 

“If we have enough rooms, yeah,” Dream said. “We probably do, so I don’t think you’ll have to worry. Anyone else?” 

“Why am I rooming with you?” George joked. 

“Because you love me, obviously,” Dream shot back immediately. “Now, is that it?”

George chuckled to himself. Everyone else nodded in response to the question, and Dream smiled. “Cool! I’m sure you’ve noticed the whiteboards hanging on all the bedroom doors; they’re going to be temporary placeholders for name plaques I plan on getting. I’ll go around and write the names down so everyone can get settled in as quickly as possible, but while I do that, I need some people to go shopping. Anyone up for the job?”

Chaos ensued almost immediately. Everyone began talking and yelling over each other, arguing and fighting about who would go out.

Bad sighed. 

A loud, sudden _thunk_ silenced the room remarkably successfully. Several heads turned the source of the noise, a kitchen knife driven halfway into the rich dark wood table by none other than Bad. 

“Let’s do this in an organized manner, shall we?” Bad’s smile was cheerful, warm, welcoming. If it weren’t for him still holding the knife handle, no one would’ve believed that it had been Bad who’d stabbed the table. 

Everyone nodded nervously.

Bad grinned happily. “Great! No more yelling then!”

In the end, they decided that Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo, Finn, and Spifey would go, with Wilbur and Philza tagging along as a supervisor of sorts.

Several people also walked away that day with a newfound fear of Bad. 

* * *

Having Tommy and Wilbur within a five feet radius of each other was a terrible idea, and, admittedly, a safety hazard.

Generally, having Tommy within the radius of most people was a bad idea. But somehow Wilbur was just worse. 

So far, they’d managed to get four minutes into the half hour ride to the nearest supermarket and a phone had already been lost, three windows nearly broken, a seat belt snapped, someone got elbowed in the face and another got kicked in the shins, and seventeen very different topics had been explored and argued about. 

At least half of that was because of Tommy and Wilbur. 

Philza sighed as he prayed to whoever was out there that he’d make it back to the house alive. 

And for everyone else in the car. Poor Ranboo and Tubbo were smashed together in the back talking about something over the screaming match Tommy and Wilbur were having. Finn looked ready to throw himself out the car, and Spifey already looked half dead. 

The half hour drive was gruesome. The lost phone was found as soon as everyone stumbled out of the car and took a second to breathe, the split second of quiet allowing everyone to collect themselves a little bit. Phil mentally prepared himself for the next hour or two, knowing that they were either going to get kicked out of the store or break something rather important. He _had_ been given extra money in case of that happening though, so at least he didn’t need to worry about repair costs and such. 

“Ready to go?” He asked the group of six people, some jumping up and down excitedly (Tommy) and others leaning against the car hood.

Everyone cheerfully nodded. Phil smiled, swinging the car keys around his finger once before pocketing them, motioning for everyone to head into the supermarket. 

“Hello, welcome to Pot’s Groceries!” A cheerful voice greeted them as soon as they stepped through the door. 

“Hello, bitch!” Tommy responded unnecessarily. 

Philza sighed. Wilbur hit Tommy, scolding him and sending the employee an apologetic look. “Don’t be disrespectful,” he hissed. 

“I’ll do as I please,” Tommy responded snarkily. 

“Tommy,” Philza said, already feeling his brain cells dying out. “Please go apologize.”

“Yes, Phil,” He grumbled after a minute of glaring challengingly at him. Phil watched him shuffle up to the employee, who’s name tag read ‘Will,’ and mumble what he hoped was a good apology. Tommy walked back, hands stuffed in his pockets. 

“Thank you,” Phil said. “Now, Dream gave me a shopping list, so we’re going to split up to get the things. Spifey, Finn, and Wil, take this list and get everything on it. Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo, you three will come with me to get everything on the other list. Do not break anything during the shopping process. Understood?”

Everyone nodded, and the group of seven split off to go find the items on their list. Philza sighed, steering Tommy away from where he was making rude hand gestures at Wilbur’s back. 

“Alright,” Phil said, unfolding the shopping list and skimming through it. “We should get all the boxed and canned things first, so we can put all the fresh foods on top. Tommy, Tubbo, get a cart and get cereals, instant noodles, and as many chips as you can grab. Ranboo, I’d like you to get all the canned goods. Fruit, beans, veggies, whatever. I’ll get the rest. When you’re done just wait at checkout, alright?”

“Yessir,” Ranboo and Tubbo responded. Tommy grinned and gave a salute. 

“Good. Now get to work.”

“Why is ice cream written in all caps and underlined in red?” Finn asked, laughing at the stark contrast it had compared to everything else on the list. “Frozen pizza is like that too, oh my.”

“Because it’s _important,_ why else?” Spifey answered rather passive aggressively, dumping seven containers of ice cream into their shopping cart. “Pizza and ice cream are like absolute necessities in life. Of _course_ they’d be written in caps and underlined in red.”

“Oh, sorry, my bad,” Finn said, rolling his eyes. “Anyways, we need to get lasagna too while we’re here. And other frozen goods.”

“I’m back!” Wilbur declared from behind them, moving in to set down several milk cartons in their cart. “I will now depart once more to get juice containers.”

“Alright, don’t die!” Finn waved cheerfully as Wilbur pranced away, knowing it was literally pointless since the store was so small but doing it anyways because it was fun. “Make sure you get some cheese too; we need some.”

“Will do!” Wilbur shouted from around the corner. 

“This is remarkably peaceful,” Spifey commented, dumping six more ice cream buckets into the cart. “I thought that with Tommy here-”

A loud scream followed by a yelp interrupted him. 

“You jinxed it,” Finn said pointedly, glaring lightheartedly at Spifey. He grumbled, rolling his eyes as he moved to grab frozen pizza out of the store fridges. “Sure I did.”

“You totally did. I don’t take criticism.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Finn rolled his eyes. “Uh-huh. Anyways, we need to go get-”

A loud scream interrupted him. 

“Oh my god!” A voice that clearly belonged to Tubbo yelped. “What the hell! Tommy! You’re going to get us kicked out!”

“Sorry!” Was the very loud, semi-guilty response. 

Someone else, probably Philza, said something to the two that got them to quiet down. 

Finn gave Spifey a pointed look. “See? You one hundred percent jinxed it.”

Spifey just groaned. 

Somehow, they managed to get everything without causing any mass destruction. 

Philza was extremely glad about this. He didn’t want the one supermarket around for several miles to hate them. 

“Alright, alright,” He said to the group, thankful that they weren’t at each other's throats. “We’re going to pick up some food for everyone before heading back; any suggestions?”

“Pizza,” Everyone answered in unison. Philza laughed.

“Pizza it is,” he said. “Alright, everyone, get in the car.”

Everyone cheered, pilling in. Philza pulled up the map on his phone and searched for the nearest pizza place, going with the only available option, Pizza Hut. 

The drive there was short and, surprisingly, quiet. 

“I want pepperoni,” Spifey said the second Pizza Hut came into view. 

“Cheese is superior though,” Finn argued. 

“Sausage pizza is the best,” Tommy declared, voicing his opinions on the topic. “Pepperoni and cheese are both inferior compared to sausage.”

“Now, now,” Philza interrupted before the argument could progress any further. “We’ll be getting as many different kinds as possible, you guys can relax. If you absolutely must argue about what kind of pizza is the best, save it for when we get home, please.”

They grumbled, but quieted down nonetheless. Philza smiled.

When Philza ordered twenty five pizzas, the Pizza Hut employee gave him such a bewildered look that he couldn't help but laugh lightly, explaining that he lived with a ton of people. The employee nodded, though they appeared to be even more confused than before. Philza chuckled lightly. 

“Do you do deliveries?” he asked. 

“We do! Would you like your order delivered?”

“Yes, please,” Philza said. “Where should I write the address down?”

“Here,” The employee said, sliding a notepad across the counter with a pen. “The pizza will be done in about half an hour, and delivery time will depend on how far away you live. There’s also a delivery fee that you’ll pay when the pizza arrives - are you alright with that?”

“That’s fine,” Philza said. “Is that all?”

“I believe so!”

“Alright!” Philza gave the employee a smile. “Thank you!”

“Thank you for coming! Have a great day!”

“You as well!”

Philza waved as he left, giving the employee a smile. 

He had a feeling this Pizza Hut would be getting a lot of business in the future. 

* * *

When Philza returned, the house was on fire. 

Well. Not literally. But it sure was metaphorically. 

There was a lot of laughter mixed in with screaming. Sapnap was repeatedly apologizing for something, which Dream appeared to be waving off, his expression a cross between mild distress and amusement. George looked like he was either going to die or commit a murder. Skeppy was on the floor, curled into a ball and shaking violently. Vurb was smirking at George. Bad appeared to be trying (and failing miserably) at getting everyone to calm down. 

“What happened here?” Philza asked, the people he’d gone out with piling in from behind with groceries in hand. 

“Drunk decisions from last night,” Sam answered, chuckling. “Are those all the groceries?”

“Yup. Who’s drunk decision was it?”

“Sapnap’s. I’m surprised we didn’t notice this morning; twitter and tik tok are on _fire_ right now. Do you guys want some help with those bags?”

“Yes, please,” Spifey groaned, handing Sam a bag. “My arms are dying.”

Sam laughed. “You guys should check in with twitter; some of the theories circling around are really funny.”

“So what exactly happened?” Ranboo asked, also handing Sam and thanking him. 

“Sapnap posted a really shaky tik tok of him and George dancing and a picture of Dream and George stargazing from last night on twitter. All kinds of theories are flying through twitter and tik tok and every other social media platform there is. It’s really funny.”

Philza laughed. “So are they trying to figure out how to explain it or something?”

“Essentially, yeah.”

Phil chuckled, taking the remaining bags from Ranboo and setting them on the counter to sort through. 

“What if we just _don’t_ explain anything?” George declared loudly. Philza watched the scene unfold, an amused grin on his face. 

“Are you kidding?” Dream said, groaning. “It’ll never go away. Plus, I think we should offer at least some sort of clarification.”

“Yeah, definitely,” Sapnap moaned. “Twitter has so many questions right now. People think I’m _dating_ someone. I need to clarify before people start getting misinformed. I can’t believe I did that though; I’m still super sorry about the trampoline picture.”

“I don’t think anyone will be able to identify it’s us, so it’s fine. Now, in the tik tok, on the other hand, it’s way easier to identify George. Our main problem here is figuring out an excuse for that,” Dream said, dragging a hand down his face. 

“Just say it’s a cousin or family friend at a birthday party who just happens to look kind of like George,” Bad suggested. “The video was shaky, right? It should be a good enough excuse to get by.”

“You’re a literal lifesaver, Bad,” Sapnap cried, throwing himself onto him. Bad caught him, grunting. 

“You still need to explain the picture,” he grumbled, pushing Sapnap off. “And I don’t have any ideas for that one.”

“Your caption makes it worse,” Dream added unhelpfully. “You said, and I quote, ‘dumbasses smh.’ How are we supposed to come up with a good excuse?”

“Literally just say it’s two of your friends who won’t get together,” Vurb said, reaching for a banana. “You’re going to use Bad’s ‘friend at a birthday party’ excuse, right? Just build on that and say two friends also at the party are oblivious and refuse to get together or something.”

“Wait, that’s a genius idea,” Sapnap said, bolting upright from the floor. “Oh my god, you guys are lifesavers. Literal gods, I say.”

“You’re welcome,” Vurb said as Bad gave him a smile.

Sapnap pulled out his phone, rapidly beginning to type. Dream and George watched, pointing out poor wording and voicing their opinions on how to make it sound better. It was over remarkably quickly, Sapnap slumping down on one of the sofas.

“I hope that’s all I’ll have to do,” Sapnap mumbled into the sofa cushions. “I’d hate it if we had to lie any more than that to our fans.” Next to him, Dream nodded solemnly in agreement.

George just sighed. 

* * *

_@ihopethisisntarealuser  
_ _sapnap? sir? that picture? i? the caption?? please explain??_

 _@pleasedontactuallyexist  
_ _DID SAPNAP MEET UP WITH SOMEONE HUH_

 _@hahagogynotinexclusiveclub  
_ _WHY IS MY TL ON FIRE AND IN SHAMBLES I JUST WOKE UP HUH WTF IS HAPPENING PLS SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME  
_ _→ @userdontberealpls  
_ _Replying to @hahagogynotinexclusiveclub sapnap posted a tiktok of him and someone who looks suspiciously like george dancing and this!_ _https://twitter.com/sapnap/dnfstargazingbutnooneknowsitsthem  
_ _→ @hahagogynotinexclusiveclub  
_ _Replying to @userdontberealpls THANK U OMG WHATTTTTTTTTT_

 _@someotheruserihopeisntreal  
_ _is,,,, is it a dream team meetup,,,, or a sapnap/dream meetup,,,,,,,,,,,, or maybe even a george/sapnap meetup,,,,, please,,,,,_

 _@sapnap  
_ _hey guys! regarding the tiktok and picture i posted yesterday: i was at a birthday party for one of my friends and got a bit drunk and ended up posting them. the picture is of two of my friends who are so in love but just won’t get together (please help me get them together)  
_ _→ @sapnap  
_ _Replying to @sapnap and the tik tok is just a clip of me dancing with one of them. just to clear things up_ 😎 _nothing too interesting, sorry!_

* * *

“Twitter is in tears,” Ranboo mentioned out of the blue about half an hour later, a good chunk of the people downstairs waiting for the pizza to arrive. “I think you just single-handedly crushed all of their hopes and dreams, Sapnap.”

That caused Dream to choke on his water, nearly spitting it out before breaking out into his signature wheeze. George gave him a concerned look, patting his back lightly. 

Spanap sighed deeply once more. 

“It’s not too bad,” Bad commented. “People seem to believe the excuse; nobody that I’ve seen so far has said anything about not believing it. I think you’re gonna get away with this pretty easily.”

“I still feel bad about lying,” Sapnap said into another sofa cushion. 

“Don’t worry, I do too,” Dream said. “Phil, when’s the pizza getting here?”

“No idea. Likely sometime in the next fifteen minutes if I had to guess though.”

Dream nodded, flopping down on the couch next to Sapnap. “Guess we’ll wait some more then.”

Almost as if on cue, the doorbell rang. Everyone bolted upright, some immediately rushing to open the door. 

“Er, twenty five pizzas for delivery?”

“Yup!” Karl said, taking the many boxes from the employee’s hands. “Thank you!”

“There’s an twelve dollar delivery fee with-”

“Here,” Skeppy interrupted, handing them a hundred dollar bill. “Keep the change and have a great day! Thanks for the pizza!” He gave them one last wave before promptly shut the door on their face.

“Pizza!” He cheered. “Let’s eat!”

Everyone else cheered loudly, piling into the kitchen and messily opening all the boxes in search for a favored pizza kind. 

“There’s hawaiin? Fuck yeah!”

“Ew, pineapples on pizza.”

“Shut up! Pineapples on pizza is great!”

“Wow, is this sausage pizza?!”

“Where’s the cheese?”

“Here!”

“Do we have soda?”

“Wait, do we?”

“We do!” Fundy yelled triumphantly, holding a large bottle of root beer above his head. “We have a huge variety too!”

“Is there Sprite? Oh, yes, there’s Sprite. This is wonderful,” Ranboo said, pulling out a bottle of Sprite. “I love it here.”

Everyone chatted happily as they ate. At one point, someone turned on one of Dream’s manhunts on the TV, causing lots of sudden yelling and teasing. Sapnap pulled Dream into a headlock, managing to give him a noogie before Dream turned the tables, throwing Sapnap on the ground and wrestling him. Bad watched, laughing with George as Sapnap attempted to get Dream below him, kneeing him in the stomach and lightly punching him.

“Ow, Sap, fuck you!” Dream yelped. “That hurt!”

“No mercy!” Sapnap screamed. 

“No mercy! No mercy for you!” Wilbur quoted from behind them, laughing. 

“Sapnap, I think you should just admit defeat,” Bad said, his phone pulled out for filming. “Dream definitely won this one.” 

“No, no, keep going!” Karl objected. “I believe in you, Sapnap!”

“Yeah!” Quackity cheered. “Sapnap’s the better one! Keep going, you’ll beat him eventually!”

After another moment of struggling, Sapnap went limp. “No, I think Bad’s right here. Dream, you win; can I go back to my pizza now?”

“Okay,” Dream agreed, rolling off of him and sitting up, cross legged. Bad clicked the end recording button, saving the video for the future. 

“Ow, my arms,” Sapnap groaned, rubbing his wrists and shaking them a bit. Dream grinned apologetically, scratching the back of his head.

“Sorry,” he offered. “I might’ve been a bit _too_ harsh.”

“I’m going to head up now,” Sam said before Sapnap could respond. “I haven’t streamed in a while and I’ve got a project that I want to finish up.”

Everyone nodded.

“Wait, actually, speaking up streams,” Quackity piped up. “I’m thinking of doing another jackbox stream tonight; anyone want in?”

Several people immediately began speaking, enthusiastically volunteering. Quackity blinked, as if he hadn’t expected this many people to want to participate. 

“Okay, okay. I’m thinking of a number between one and a hundred; anyone who guesses it right first try gets a confirmed spot for today. Okay, does everyone have a number?”

Everyone nodded.

“Okay. From left to right, tell me your numbers.”

“Eighty eight.”

“Thirty one.”

“Thirty eight.”

“Seventy six.”

“Forty two.”

“Twenty nine.”

“Sixty nine!”

“Eleven.”

“Uh, seventeen?”

“Fourteen.”

“Twenty two.”

“Twenty nine.”

“Fifty six.”

“My number was twenty nine; Wilbur, Sam, you both got your spots reserved, congrats! Everyone else, I’m gonna put your names in a random selector and choose five more of you guys.”

They all watched as Quackity typed in their names into his phone, the random selector spinning as it considered it’s options. 

It landed on Karl.

“Let’s go!” He whooped. 

Quackity patted his back, grinning as he tapped his screen to respin. “And….. Ranboo! Welcome to the gang!”

Ranboo gave a thumbs up. 

“Tommy! Our next contestant!” 

Tommy cheered, grinning widely. “I’m going to win, just you wait!”

“Who said there was going to be a prize? Anyways, Fundy, welcome to the stream that will take place in the near future.”

“Hell yeah!”

“Okay, okay, and the last person is…..”

Everyone held their breaths as the selector spun around. 

“Sapnap!” Quackity declared. “Oh, this is going to be fun!”

Sapnap grinned back at him. “It _so_ is.”

“Well, have fun then!” Dream said, slinking back into the kitchen. “Don’t get cancelled!”

“No promises!” Sapnap said, laughing. 

“Get cancelled,” George said in a flat tone, face serious. “Do it. Everyone, get Sapnap cancelled.”

“No, no one is getting cancelled on my stream today,” Quackity butted in. “Well, at least I hope not. But no, we’re not going to _try_ to get cancelled.”

“Sure,” George said, dragging out the e. 

“George, don’t be like this, man.” 

“Okay, okay,” George said, breaking out into light laughter. “Really, have fun. And yeah, try not to get cancelled. That’s never fun.”

“Thanks, George.” Quackity grinned. “Maybe I’ll let you in on the next jackbox stream so I can roast the hell out of you.”

George, who’d just turned around to head upstairs, paused and turned to look back at him. He stared at him for a solid minute before saying: 

“I take it back; please get cancelled.”

Quackity began sputtering. Behind them, Bad sighed. 


	3. i'm gonna need you to bail me outta jail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> techno: officer, i genuinely don’t know who that was, he just looked annoying so i just lightly pushed him down some stairs
> 
> officer: sir, the legal forms say that he was your adoptive brother
> 
> techno: well, in my defense, that’s really not my fault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jem: what the frickin frack thank you for all the support?? you guys are fucking great holy crap thank you guys  
> please enjoy we're having a great time writing this  
> also pls read the end notes :DD  
> (we're going to ignore the fact that i forgot to do the chap title and had to come back)
> 
> rea: fun fact: i pulled out my sherlock detective skills to come up with those jackbox theories. be proud pls. anyways uh. tysm for all the positive responses on this fic so far! it means a lot and we read every single comment we get! 
> 
> mars: we're aware tommy's last name isn't watson but it was either that or thomas minecraft stick with us here please

“Ello chat!” Quackity greeted his viewers, grinning. “Hey guys! How are you guys? How was your day?”

The chat flew by, several _Hi!’s_ getting washed away by spams of _Good!_ and other variations of that answer. Quackity chuckled.

“Yeah! So, as you guys probably already know, we’re playing jackbox tonight, and today we’re joined by Sapnap, Karl, Tommy, Wilbur, Sam, Fundy, and Ranboo!”

The chat immediately filled up with names of the participants. 

“Yeah, yeah! It’s going to be really fun; I’m looking forward to it! There’s no prize this time - I might have one the next time we play jackbox though, so if you don’t want to miss it, hit the follow button and turn on the notifications!” 

Quackity paused for a moment, clicking on something before typing. “Okay!” He said, looking back into his camera. “I’m going to join the call now. They’re all there waiting on me.”

When he joined the call, he was greeted with yelling.

A lot of yelling. Or just tons of noise - Quackity wasn’t positive which one was more accurate. There were, like, fourteen conversations happening at once. 

“What do you _mean_ pineapples are great on pizza?! Pineapples on pizza is an absolutely _horrendous_ combination!”

“So, Ranboo, how was your day?”

“Fundy, _stop trying to scam me!”_

“What do you _mean_ pineapples on pizza is a bad combination? You just have bad taste!”

“I’m not _scamming_ you, I’m _bribing_ you!”

“It was pretty good! I went shopping and stuff, you know? It was a good day.”

“This is literally everything _but_ bribing!”

“No, pineapples on pizza is terrible and shouldn’t exist. You know something else that also shouldn’t exist? Anteaters-”

“Hello!” Quackity interrupted, knowing that once Wilbur started on one of his anteater rants, he’d go on for at _least_ half an hour. “I’m here! Are we ready to start?”

“No, Fundy is trying to _scam_ me-”

“Yes, yes we are!” Ranboo interrupted, exasperation in his voice. “Let’s start!”

“Great! So, anything against starting with a good old round of quiplash?”

A chorus of “no”’s rang through the call.

“Okay, so the code starts with a b and ends in e,” Karl said the second Quackity sent them the code. Sam sighed.

“Nonononono, don’t leak the code! Aww, no, Karl, look what you’ve done,” Quackity sighed when a person named Lily joined. “Now I have to make another game.”

“Don’t leak the code,” Quackity warned seriously when he sent the new code. “I swear I _will_ kick you. I have at least five other people who offered to show up tonight; you won’t be missed.”

Everyone muttered their agreements. Quackity let out a sigh when he managed to start the game with no problems. 

Halfway through the second round, however, he was interrupted. 

“Hey, Quackity,” Skeppy started, luckily too far away for the mic to pick up his voice properly. “Can I-“

“Nononono! Ssss- no, stop moving, I’m live right now, please, stop, yes, okay, thank you.” Quackity quickly paused to mute his mic before turning to give Skeppy, who was just barely out of frame, his attention.

“What the fuck were you thinking, man?!”

“I’m sorry! I kinda forgot that you were streaming!”

“How do you just _forget?”_

“I don’t know!” Skeppy exclaimed, gesturing around wildly. “I’ll come back later - have a fun stream!”

“What are we going to tell twitter?!” Quackity yelled at the retreating figure of Skeppy. 

Skeppy just shrugged, giving him a peace sign before shutting the door on him. Quackity stared at the door before sighing and returning to the stream, unmuting and apologizing for disappearing.

For the rest of the night, he played on edge, praying that no one else would walk in and give him a near heart attack. 

Somehow, his prayers were answered, because the most eventful thing that happened afterwards was Sam and Ranboo absolutely _destroying_ everyone in almost all the games they played. 

Quackity made a mental note to invite them to future jackbox games.

“What did you guys do,” was the first thing out of Dream’s mouth when Quackity made his way downstairs after the stream in search of some food. 

“It was all Skeppy,” Quackity automatically deflected. 

“Okay, what’d _he_ do then?”

“Uhm.” Quackity hesitated. “Well. He may or may not have almost accidentally walked into frame while I was streaming.”

Dream stared at him before sighing and waving it off. “Well, that happened much quicker than I anticipated, but what can you expect? We have over thirty people living under one roof - of course there’s going to be accidents and miscommunication.” He gave quackity a pointed look. “You guys managed to catch twitter on fire again though; there are theories being passed around like pokémon cards right now.”

“Oops?” Quackity offered. 

Dream just laughed.

_@welcometoplsdontbereal  
_ _why did q mute who came in why did in the little bit before he muted why did the other person sound like skeppy please can we get answers_

_@djskdjskdnkaks  
_ _WAS THERE A MEETUP???_

_@andioop  
_ _guys let’s not jump into conclusions, it could easily be a family member or relative._

_@wtfishappeningonmytl  
_ _and here comes the theories_

_@whyamistillhere  
_ _okay ngl that *did* kinda sound like skeppy but im not gonna jump into conclusions just yet_

_@ineedanewuser  
_ _guys remember that q doesnt owe us an explanation - and besides, it was probably just family_

_@iamineternalpain  
_ _am i the only person who thought it sounded like purpled even tho that wouldnt make any sense bc as far as im aware q and him havent had any interactions_

* * *

“They’re gonna catch on if we’re not careful,” George commented one night, a couple days after the jackbox stream had taken place. “Twitter is still passing around theories, even though most of the hype has died down.”

Dream gave him an incredulous look. “The theories are still going?”

George shrugged, passing him his phone. “There are some interesting ones.”

“Are you _looking_ them up?”

“Yeah, so what? We have some really clever fans; you should scroll through the theories sometime. It’s interesting.”

“Anything in particular that you think is worth sharing?”

“Eh.” George gestured towards his phone sitting in Dream’s hands. “Scroll through; I’m sure you’ll find something interesting.”

Dream read two before handing the phone back to George. 

_@insertusernamehere  
_ _okok guys its theory time  
_ _yknow how Q has a terrible green screen? in that jackbox stream his green screen was like. way better. and the lighting was different too. i think he got a new chair too, but dont quote me on that. so basically im thinking that he moved in with a new +  
_ _→ @insertusernamehere  
_ _Replying to @insertusernamehere roommate but doesnt wanna tell us just yet and so theyre tryna keep it down for now_

_@heythereletsbefriends  
_ _we all know about that one video sapnap posted on tiktok, right? we know someone that looked kinda like george was with him dancing. but what if it was karl?  
_ _→ @heythereletsbefriends  
_ _Replying to @heythereletsbefriends and someone else was obviously filming the video. what if that person was quackity?  
_ _i know this isnt like. likely. but. like. let me hope. please._

“They’re smart,” Dream said. “We’re going to end up exposed by the end of the year. If we manage to somehow not let them know, then the secret will definitely be out by next summer.”

“We have, like, thirty people living here, Dream,” George said. “I wouldn't be surprised if the secret gets out by next week.”

Dream hummed in agreement.

They sat in comfortable silence for several minutes before Dream abruptly moved and reached over to grab a water bottle. Since it just so happened to be ever-so-slightly out of reach, he ended up standing halfway off his seat and pressed against George in an attempt to grab the water.

George shifted, letting out a small squeak. Dream glanced down to look at him, unaware of the position he’d put them in. 

“Dream,” George mumbled, eyes looking everywhere but his face. “Can you hurry up and sit back down.”

“I mean, yeah,” Dream continued, wondering why George wouldn’t look at him. He shifted again, moving to sit down, when realization came rushing in and punched him in the face. 

He was leaning up against George. At an awkward angle. He didn’t want to elaborate anymore. It wasn’t _suggestive_ in any way, shape, or form, but it was definitely on the borderline between that and just a plain, awkward, uncomfortable position. Dream flushed, freezing and staring at George.

George continued to refuse to meet his eyes. 

“Well,” Came the obvious drone of Techno from behind them. “This is awkward.”

Dream turned around so quickly that he was surprised he didn’t give himself whiplash. 

Techno and Tommy, both dressed and clearly ready to go somewhere, stood near the border that separated the kitchen area from the living room. Tommy’s expression looked like a cross between horror and confusion, whereas Techno simply looked bored. The mild discomfort was clear in his eyes, though. 

“I, uh,” Dream started before pausing and clearing his throat. He tried again. “So. What are you guys up to?”

“We’re going shopping. Phil asked us to get a few things for him.”

“Ah.” Dream nodded in understanding, attempting (and lowkey failing) to causally sliding back into his seat. “So why are you in the kitchen then?”

“We were going to grab some snacks to go,” Tommy answered. “This was definitely the last thing - well, actually, not the _last_ thing, but same difference - I expected to see.”

George’s cheeks colored itself a deep red, Dream laughing awkwardly as he tried to brush it off. “Well, go ahead,” Dream said, gesturing around the kitchen mindlessly. “No one’s stopping you.”

“A certain situation _was_ stopping us, but okay,” Techno said, sweeping in and heading straight for the pantry. “I’m taking gummy worms. Tommy, take your pick.”

Tommy settled for a bag of chips and a coke, following Techno out the kitchen and disappearing around the corner, the sound of a door slamming shut moments later indicating that they were long gone. 

Dream turned to look at George, who was…

Nowhere in sight. 

_Oh,_ he thought, ignoring the prickles of pain poking at his chest. _Guess he didn’t want to talk._

Upstairs, in their shared bedroom, George shoved his face into a pillow.

 _I like him,_ he thought. _And I’m not sure how to feel about that._

* * *

Techno and Tommy had left at five. 

It was currently half past nine. Phil was getting a bit worried, considering the things he’d asked them to get him (some wooden boards and nails) shouldn’t take too long to get. Four and a half hours with no contact wasn’t unlike them, but it was concerning nonetheless. 

He waited anxiously. He couldn’t help it; they were like his sons, and he had a deep fatherly love for them. 

And then his phone rang.

It wasn't a number saved to his phone, though. Confused, Phil swiped to answer the call. 

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this... Philza Watson?”

“Yes, it is. Who’s this?”

The person on the other end began to speak, stating their name - which, to be quite honest, Phil didn’t manage to catch with how quickly they were rambling - and where they were calling from, which turned out to be a hospital.

“Your son is currently in a checkup room waiting. It appears that he’s broken his arm, but we can’t take x-rays without permission from a parent or guardian, and to get that permission there are several forms that must be filled out. How quickly can you get here?”

Phil blinked, moving to grab his jacket off his bed. “A half an hour,” he answered, closing his bedroom door before dashing downstairs. “How bad is it?”

“Well, I would guess it’s fractured in at least two differnt spots, though we do still need the x-rays taken to confirm that. I believe surgery will be necessary as well.”

Phil nodded to himself. “Is that all?”

“Yes. We’ll go into more details once you’ve arrived.”

“Alright, thank you,” Phil said before clicking the end call button. He briefly stuck his head into the kitchen to tell the person who was in there - Niki and Eret; they were baking, apparently - that he was going out. They both gave him nods, since their hands were full. 

The second Phil began pulling out of the driveway, another call came through. 

This one was a different number from the hospital. Confused, Philza answered it.

“Phil,” The familiar voice of Techno greeted him. “Hi.”

“Techno,” Philza responded, suspicion laced in his voice. “Hello.”

“So, uh,” Techno said, laughing awkwardly. “I’m gonna need you to bail me out of jail.”

Phil slammed on the brakes in the middle of the long, two lane road.

“What?”

“I need you to bail me out of jail.”

“Does this have anything to do with the hospital calling me and telling me Tommy broke his arm?”

“...Maybe.”

“Techno.”

“Okay, okay, yes, it does. I’ll explain later, I promise, just get me out of here. One of the officers has been giving me the stink eye ever since I got here.”

“Maybe it’s your hair,” Phil said, taking his foot off the brake pedal and letting the car resume its state of active movement. “Which police station are you at?”

“No idea, but I’m pretty sure it’s the only one in the town. This neighborhood is really small, you know? Also, my hair is great, thank you very much.”

Philza just chuckled. “Alright, fine. I’ll come get you and then we’re going to the hospital. Tommy’s situation definitely can’t be pretty.” 

“Yeah, I actually felt bad,” Techno commented. “He’s gonna have trouble streaming for a bit.”

“God, what did you _do,_ Techno?”

“Literally nothing. Okay, I gotta go. I hope you have money on you, because I think the fee you’re going to have to pay is going to be kinda expensive.”

Phil just sighed as he hung up.

When Phil arrived at the station, Techno was arguing with an officer.

“Officer,” Techno was saying from behind bars, looking remarkably innocent. “I genuinely don’t know who that was, he just looked annoying so I just lightly pushed him down some stairs!”

“Sir, the legal forms say that he was your adoptive brother.”

“Well, in my defense, that’s really not my fault-”

Phil snorted. The officer turned to look at him, irritation written all over their face. 

“How may I help you?” They forced out, obviously trying to be polite. Phil stifled a laugh, putting his hands in his coat pocket. 

“I’m actually here to bail that man out,” He answered.

It was miniscule, but the officer’s shoulders relaxed a bit. They rushed behind the counter, pulling out a few papers and handing them to Phil with a pen. “You’ll need to fill these forms out first,” They explained. “And then we’ll need you to fill out this bail form, which is accompanied with a fee of two-hundred fifty bucks.”

Phil obliged, signing the forms and handing over the money. “Is that all?”

“Yes, thank you.”

The officer unlocked the cell in which Techno resided, allowing him to walk free once more. 

Philza half dragged him to the car, in a hurry to get to the hospital. Techno didn’t complain, immediately buckling his seat belt the second he got inside.

They arrived at the hospital in four minutes. Phil rushed in, throwing the keys at Techno and trusting him to lock it up. 

“Hello,” he said to the receptionist, out of breath. “I’m here from an emergency call about my son?”

“His name, please?”

“Thomas Watson.”

The receptionist typed it into their computer before turning to Phil and telling him, “He’s upstairs on the third floor to the right. Look for another reception area; they’ll help you get to him.”

Philza thanked them and turned towards the elevators, waving Techno over with an urgent movement. 

When they finally got to Tommy’s room, permission forms all filled out, the first thing Phil did was give Tommy a tired smile. 

“I asked you guys to get me two things, and instead of getting those two things, I end up with a jail bailout fee, ambulance fees, and other hospital fees. I didn’t think that’d be possible.”

“Sorry,” Tommy and Techno both mumbled. Philza sighed. 

“How are you feeling?” 

“Not bad for breaking my arm,” Tommy answered, shrugging. “The pains mostly gone away, but I think that’s from all the icing they made me do. I sprained my ankle kinda badly too, did they tell you that?”

Phil massaged his temples. “No, they didn’t. Is there anything else I should know?”

Tommy grinned. “I fell off the second floor and rolled down a shit ton of stairs! I also bruised my torso a bit.”

“A bit is a bit of an understatement,” A doctor said, entering the room with a clipboard. “Those bruised areas are going to be really sensitive for at least a week.”

“Ah,” Phil said. 

“Hello, I’m Doctor Tabitha Auto,” The doctor greeted almost robotically. “I’ll be your main doctor and caretaker during this process. We’re going to start with some x-rays. Thomas, if you don’t mind following me?”

“It’s Tommy,” Tommy muttered, shifting off the bed he was sitting in. Doctor Auto didn’t acknowledge his comment, opting instead to sweep dramatically out of the room and march down the empty hallway. 

Phil and Techno followed behind Tommy, who looked like this was the last place he wanted to be. Which was understandable, because no one wanted to be in a hospital with a broken arm, but he’d seemed completely fine with it earlier when he’d been telling his stories. And he seemed to be limping and - oh, wait, his ankle. 

Philza cast the doctor a confused look - if she’d known that Tommy had sprained his ankle, why was she making him walk?

“Techno, can you… do you think you can carry Tommy?”

Techno looked at Phil with a confused expression. “I mean, yeah, I probably can, but why?”

“His ankle,” Philza elaborated. “He said it was sprained badly. “

Realization dawned on Techno’s face, and he moved to pick Tommy up, being careful not to hit his arm. Tommy yelped in surprised, twisting (and wincing slightly as he did) to look Techno in the eyes. 

Doctor Auto didn’t even turn to look at them. She kept marching down the hallway, shoes clicking away at the marble floor. 

“Your ankle,” Techno said in a hushed, hesitant voice, hardly above a whisper, “It might be easier if I carry you, yeah? We wouldn’t want to make it worse.”

“Right.” Tommy nodded meekly in agreement, “how do you want to do this? What’s easiest for you?”

“You can hop on my back,” Techno suggested, letting out a short laugh, “Piggy-back ride. Ironic. Alright. Hop on.”

“...Thanks,” Tommy said. 

Techno simply nodded, keeping his strides long to keep up with the Doctor. Philza once again cast her a bewildered look, wondering what kind of doctor could possibly forget a patient’s condition. 

“In here,” She finally said, stopping at the door that had a huge sign reading XRAY above it. “I'm afraid only Thomas can go inside; if you two could please take seats right very there while we do this.” 

Philza could’ve sworn he heard Tommy angrily mutter “Tommy.” as the door closed behind him. 

Doctor Auto was very cold, Phil discovered. And, quite frankly, annoyingly rude. 

She didn't engage in any conversation other than the bare necessities. She seemed to think Tommy could do everything by himself, since he was “Seventeen years old and a big boy.”

Tommy had a sprained ankle, bruised up body, and a fucking broken arm. He most definitely could not do everything by himself.

She also wouldn't stop calling Tommy “Thomas.” Phil knew Tommy didn’t like it when people called him Thomas; a personal preference, which should be respected. But no, Doctor Auto went on acting like she hadn't heard every single complaint Tommy had voiced, continuously calling him Thomas.

If Techno didn’t punch this doctor’s teeth in in the next ten minutes, Phil was going to get violent and do it himself. 

“Alright, Thomas,” Doctor Auto droned. “Mr. Watson. We’re going to have to get a surgery appointment for sometime next week.”

“Any reasons why we have to wait so long?”

“Well, we have to wait for the swelling to go down a bit,” she said, pointing the end of her pen at Tommy’s temporary cast wrapped thoroughly in bandages. “And it's just easier that way. Scheduling today or tomorrow would be quite rushed and not as effective.”

“Alright,” Phil agreed. 

“Wonderful. Thomas, make sure you stay off that foot of yours and-”

Okay. That was the last straw. 

“Doctor,” Philza half growled, voice low and dangerous. “I believe he asked to be called _Tommy.”_

The doctor blinked. 

“I don’t see why I should call him that,” She sniffed. “The documents say his name is Thomas.”

“And he prefers Tommy.” Philza glared at her. 

“And?”

Philza wasn’t sure what infuriated him more: the fact that she seemed to genuinely not understand why it was a problem or the fact that she looked ready to kick him out. 

The first thing Philza was doing once he got out of this room was requesting a new doctor. 

And that he did. After going off on Doctor Auto about basic human decency (“Do you know what the fuck the word respect _means?!”)_ , he went and angrily demanded he be given a different doctor. Techno followed him as he did, laughing like it was the funniest thing ever. 

The receptionists didn’t question him, immediately getting someone else. The doctor (Chip Arrington) was clearly much kinder, smiling and apologizing for his co-worker. Philza waved it off, saying it wasn’t a big deal. 

The three went home that day feeling rather good. 

* * *

“Shit,” was the first thing Tommy said at brunch the next day. 

The few people there turned to look at him. Everyone, for the most part, was now aware of Tommy’s situation. Philza had gotten the full story behind it (it wasn’t that interesting; apparently Techno had gotten annoyed at Tommy and pushed him down a whole flight of stairs), and everyone who’d been awake when they’d come back had also gotten to hear it. 

“What’s up?” Karl asked, fork halfway to his mouth. 

“My arm. Is broken.”

Everyone at the table stared at Tommy like he’d grown three extra heads. 

“Oh, we didn’t realize, thanks for the information,” Sapnap said sarcastically. 

Tommy ignored him. “I can’t stream.”

“Well,” Tubbo said. “Technically, you can. You’ll just have severe difficulties with it.”

“Exactly,” Tommy said. “How am I meant to stream with a broken arm?”

“You just do or don’t,” Ranboo said. “It’s that simple.”

Tommy sighed. “I hate that you’re right.”

“You could always tweet and explain why you’re not streaming,” Philza said.

“Nah,” Tommy voiced after a moment of silent contemplation. “I’ll just pog through the pain and do a shorter stream.”

“A good compromise, I think,” Tubbo said, nodding. 

“I still think you should keep from streaming until you get your surgery done and get a proper cast,” Philza said. 

“I agree with that,” Tubbo said. 

“Okay,” Tommy agreed surprisingly easily. “Let me take a selfie to post on twitter.”

“Like, right now?” Purpled asked, scrambling to get out of frame when Tommy pulled out his phone. “Wow, okay, don’t wanna have everyone find out that we’re all living together.”

Minutes later, Tommy was uploading a picture of himself and his broken arm onto twitter, accompanied with an apology and reasoning for why he wouldn’t be streaming for a week. 

_@tommyinnit  
_ _im going to be taking a small break from streaming this week. broke my arm; not very pogchamp  
_ _[image: Tommy is sitting in a chair, his arm in frame, clearly wrapped up. His face is scrunched up.]  
_ _→ @yeetmetothesun  
_ _Replying to @tommyinnit aww feel better soon!!  
_ _→ @oopsiedasies  
_ _Replying to @tommyinnit take your time!!!! we’re not going anywhere  
_ _→ @the_potatogod  
_ _Replying to @tommyinnit oh that sucks :((( dont feel pressured to stream! take care of yourself first_

“My fans are so nice,” Tommy said. 

“We have great fan bases,” Purpled agreed. 

Silence fell over them. Brunch continued on without another word. 

* * *

They hadn’t planned on going to the movies. 

They were building a home movie theater in their basement and had not only the shared living room TV but also TV’s in everyone’s rooms for private usage. Anyone could watch a movie whenever they wanted to. 

But George had suggested they all go out, in one big trip, and since Dream could never find it in himself to really say no to him, they’d gone out. 

Which was, to say the least, disastrous. 

They’d chosen to go to the mall at first, but that decision was quickly ditched when Quackity loudly declared that he wanted to see the new Marvel movie. With everyone quickly agreeing, Dream didn’t have much of a choice but to turn the car towards the movie theater.

When they arrived, Dream was sure the sight was a strange one. 

Imagine a limo pulling up at a movie theater in a small town, where most people live in either farm houses or apartments. Now imagine thirty people, give or take, stumbling out of said limo dressed in hoodies and jeans and looking like they haven’t slept in over a week. 

Yeah. That’s how it looked. 

It was chaotic. 

Dream didn’t mind though. This kind of chaos had a sort of homey feel to it - and he liked that. 

Now, getting there had been the easy part. Getting tickets for all of them was the hard part. 

“Yes, ma’am, twenty-seven tickets.”

“Are you- Are you absolutely _positive?”_

“Yes, ma’am.” 

Bewildered, the ticket lady dutifully got the tickets and handed them over. “That’ll be two-fifty-six fifty-four.”

Dream robotically handed over three hundred dollar bills. “Keep the change.”

The lady sputtered, trying to hand back change. “No, you mustn't, please, take your change. This is too much-”

“Keep it,” Dream repeated, firmly but kindly. “I don’t need it. I’m sure you can find a better use for it.”

He proceeded to walk away with the twenty-seven tickets in hand. “Did you guys get the food?” 

“Yup!”

“Let’s go then!”

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Ranboo muttered from behind.

Quackity moved in, awkwardly slapping his back as he grinned cheekily at Rnaboo. “Relax, my man! Enjoy yourself! I doubt anything could go wrong.”

“Who bought the food,” Dream piped up, wanting to ask how the employees had reacted. 

“Bad ordered, Skeppy paid,” Someone from the back half yelled. 

“Thanks!” Dream responded before making his way to Bad and Skeppy, who were huddled around Skeppy’s phone and quietly giggling together about whatever it was that sat on the screen.

“Hey, guys,” Dream said. “I’ve got a question.”

“Okay, shoot,” Skeppy said.

“How'd the employees react when you asked for all this food?”

“Really shocked,” Bad said. “They like, kinda stared at us before asking us to repeat the order. I felt kinda bad; they had to sit there for like ten minutes just to get our popcorn done.”

“How much did you end up spending?” 

“Eh, three-fifty give or take. The look on their faces was _priceless_ though; I gave them like an extra hundred and they looked at us like ‘What the _hell?’”_

“Language!”

“Sorry, sorry. It was funny though.”

Dream laughed. “It’s sweet. The ticket lady was so insistent on having me take the change. If she kept pushing I might’ve just taken it to make her happy.”

They were at the doors of the theater now. Dream handed the person taking care of tickets the stack of tickets, still chatting with Skeppy and Bad and missing the pure look of concern that washed over the person’s face. 

“I- oh,” They said, standing frozen with the lump of tickets sitting in their hands. “Oh.”

“Would you like some help?” Philza offered gently, stifling a laugh behind his hand. Quite frankly, the employee looked like someone who was brand new to the job and didn’t know how to properly deal with larger groups. 

“Oh, no, I’m alright,” They said, flushing pink and moving to rip all the tickets. “How many are there-”

“Everyone in single file!” Dream hollored. Then, to the employee, he said, “There should be twenty-seven tickets for us twenty-seven viewers.”

Intense nodding from the employee. Dream bit back on laughing; they seemed so unreasonably flustered and rushed.

Now, they made it in alright. Figuring out seats took a bit of time - and definitely irritated some others who were already sitting in the theater - but overall they all managed to make it to their locations before the movie started. 

See - the first fifteen or so minutes had gone well - everyone managed to stay quiet and eat their food silently while watching the movie. But then, approximately thirteen minutes and twenty seven seconds into the movie, Tommy began bugging Techno about refilling his soda for him. Among other things, since Vurb and Spifey had been bugging Skeppy and Bad the whole time. 

“Hey, Techno,” Tommy whispered very loudly. “You should go get my soda refilled for me.”

Techno stared at Tommy. “No.”

“Why not?”

“It’s not my soda, you go do it yourself!”

“But you’re my brother,” Tommy whined, dragging out the r. Some people in front of them shot them dirty looks over their shoulders. 

“Okay, and?” Techno nudged Tommy’s cup away. “How’d you even finish your soda that fast? It’s been like ten minutes or something.”

“Coke is good,” Tommy offered in a means of explanation. “And my arm’s broken, Techno, see?” Tommy held up his casted arm in a means of demonstrating. “So, you should get me a refill-”

“Tommy, you’ve had that cast on for like two weeks, I _know_ you can do stuff fine with it on. Now get off of me.”

“No. Refill my drink.”

“Tommy-”

“Guys, please, you guys are going to get us kicked out,” Ranboo said, trying to interfere. “Please, guys, keep it down. Here, I’ll go refill your soda, Tommy-”

Twenty seconds later, someone was asking them to leave. 

Well, Dream supposed. At least Ranboo’d tried. 

Dream had to give it to them though: they managed to last fifteen minutes before getting kicked out.

Currently, an employee was talking to Philza, asking him to “please control your kids.”

“I don’t know them,” Philza was saying, arm’s crossing and looking very convincing minus the fact that Tommy and Techno kept asking him for his opinion every three seconds. 

“Sir, you just walked out of the theater dragging two of them by arm.”

“That’s besides the point.”

“Phil! Tell Tommy that this is his fault!”

“Is not! Phil, it’s not my fault, right?”

“I do not know any of them,” Philza repeated, pointedly ignoring Tommy and Techno screaming behind him. 

The employee looked either terrified or absolutely done with their bullshit. 

“Sir-”

“Callahan’s brought the car, let’s go! We have everyone right?”

“No idea, but I’ll count as everyone gets in.”

“Okay! Single file, guys!”

Philza shot an apologetic grin towards the employee, bowing slightly before turning around and sweeping everyone into a line. 

“I don’t think we’re ever coming back here,” was the first thing Fundy said when they were all in the car. 

Laughter broke out. 

Dream smiled, making a mental note to get the movie theater built as fast as possible. 

Who knew what would happen if they came back here for the second time?

… 

(Chaos, knowing them. Pure chaos.)

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rea: hello!!! we made a discord server, leave us a comment if you would join it because i spent a while coding a bot for this and everything, so please let us know if you would join. (also. you should follow my twt im very cool @awhrea) <33
> 
> jem & mars: also note that none of twt users in this fic are real as far as we're aware; we make them up on the spot while writing and the only real twt accounts (we're aware of at least) here are going to be ours. (bc we're like that. pstpst you should totally follow us btw; @ItzJemStone and @honkm4rs and rea's is mentioned above)


	4. put on some nice clothes, this is supposed to be a fancy dinner!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dream: hi i'd like to make a reservation  
> manager person: for how many people?  
> dream: um. 33  
> manager person: **w h a t**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mars: sorry if the dialogue is bad in the bit where we included ourselves it was a little difficult because we cant exactly speak keyboard smashes in real life.
> 
> jem: we included ourselves because we wanted like a fans perspective and we're all lazy as shit and didn't wanna make oc's for it so yes. moving on-
> 
> rea: hi gays uh please join the discord (linked in the endnotes) i coded basically everything by hand. we're very cool i promise. anyways. hope you enjoy the chapter!! tysm for all the support and yes, we speak in all keyboard smashes so sorry if our part is a bit awkward
> 
> (we made mars go up to the block fuckers and be socially awkward because they kept making heat waves jokes)

Okay.

Dream needed to start figuring out how to say no to George, because he was currently watching Wilbur drown Tommy while a lifeguard desperately tried to tell him to stop.

Dream sighed, sinking deeper into the hot tub.

Sapnap, Karl, Quackity, and George were all having a water fight, aggressively splashing water at each others’ faces and playfully pushing each other around. A few of them had gone up to the diving boards; Dream wasn’t sure specifically who they were though. Skeppy and Bad were arguing over… duck floaties? And, oh, Sam was just chilling in the 6feet deep zone, talking to Ranboo, who had his feet dipped in and was sitting on the edge of the pool. Tubbo and Puffy were glaring at them lightheartedly from a distance, making faces at them. Fundy was laughing at them.

“Dude, why are you chilling in a hot tub? Only boomers sit in hot tubs for longer than twenty minutes.”

Dream glanced up to look at Punz.

“Guess I’m a boomer then,” Dream said, sinking in even deeper. “You can fuck off, Punz, hot tubs are fantastic. You should try them sometime.”

Punz laughed, surprisingly agreeing and stepping in. “I’m kidding. If you were a boomer, I’d be one by default too, since I’m older. I don’t want that.”

Dream laughed. 

“When do you think H and Phil are going to join us?”

“Eh, I’d give it half an hour at most, give or take. Phil might take longer unless he just gives up with trying to deal with Tommy, Techno, and Wilbur.”

Punz laughed. “They’re a chaotic trio, aren’t they?”

Dream groaned. “Tell me about it. Yesterday Techno came in to ask me about something, and I _kid you not,_ Wilbur came in exactly seven seconds later asking if I’d seen him. They had a fifteen minute debate in my room before I could get them to leave.”

Punz snorted. “For a group of people who aren’t related to each other, they sure act like they are.”

“Oh, it’s even worse when you’re basically one of them,” Tubbo piped up from behind. Startled, Dream turned to look at him. 

“Oh, do tell,” Punz said. “What’s it like?”

“You get dragged into a lot of unnecessary arguments and die inside a lot.”

“Oh.” Punz said, taken aback. “Oh.”

“It’s nice though,” Tubbo hummed. “Because at least I know I have them behind my back.”

Dream smiled. He knew that feeling.

It was, indeed, a nice feeling.

Meanwhile, said boys were giving the lifeguards the time of their lives. 

In a bad way.

“Sir, please, I’m going to have to ask you to let go of him, otherwise we’ll have to-”

“What, kick me out?”

The lifeguard looked taken aback and unreasonably nervous. “Yes, sir. If you could please let go of him- he’s going to drown-”

Wilbur loosened his hold on Tommy, letting him push up and take in three large helpings of air before shoving him back down under. “Nah, don’t worry. I wouldn’t let that happen.

Tommy began thrashing. Beside the lifeguard, Techno chuckled. 

“This is normal. Don’t worry, at worst Tommy’ll just pass out.”

The lifeguard looked at him and then back at Wilbur and Tommy, the most concerned look ever falling over their face. “Sir- I- That isn’t okay, sir- No, please- Sir-” They began moving in, likely to forcibly pull the two apart, but Techno stopped them with one of his arms. 

“It’s all good, you can leave them be. Don’t worry, if they get too rough I’ll deal with it.”

“Sir- I can’t just-”

“Nahhh, they’ll be fine. I promise.”

Sapnap and Quackity ran past, yelling and doing their best not to slip on the water everywhere. Karl and George were trailing behind them, chatting about something while actually obeying the pool rules. 

“Oi Sap, I’ll give you twenty bucks if you belly flop off the high dive!”

“Please, no running at the pool-”

“Bet!”

“Sir- Please-”

“There’s no hope,” Techno deadpanned. “They have selective hearing. They don’t hear stuff they don’t wanna hear. You’re not gonna get through to them.”

The look on the lifeguards face looked extremely tired. Techno considered it a win.

He decided it was an even bigger win when Sapnap belly flopped off the high dive (and didn’t move for two minutes in a means of being dramatic; “WHAT THE FUCK IS HE _DEAD_ WHY IS HE JUST FLOATING IN THE WAT- oh he’s just being dramatic nevermind.”) and all the lifeguard did was sigh and mutter “I wonder if quitting would be a good choice.”

Behind him, Sapnap cackled. 

* * *

Sapnap rolled his eyes as he watched George wander up to Dream, saying something before Dream laughed and turned around, letting George climb onto his back. 

“They’re kind of oblivious, aren’t they,” Bad said. 

“Yeah, they are,” Sapnap said. “I mean, so are you and Skeppy, but I think those two are worse. At least you two acknowledge the fact that you guys love each other.”

“Hey! What is that supposed to mean?!”

“Nothing, nothing. Oh, look, they’re having a water fight now.”

“Dream, stop, you’re getting water in my eyes! Dream!”

Dream just laughed, splashing more water at George. George shrieked, holding his hands in a futile attempt at blocking the water. 

“Dream!”

“George!”

“Stop!”

“Okay, okay,” Dream said, laughing and putting his hands up in surrender. 

George stopped moving to rub the water out of his eyes while Dream watched him with a fond smile on his face.

“I didn’t like that,” George pouted.

“Aww, did I make Georgie sad?” Dream said with a fake frown on his face.

“Yes.”

“Should I kiss it better?”

“Ew, no!” George backed away.

Dream burst out laughing and swam after him. “No, George, come back!” 

“No, go away!” George yelled as he swam faster, screaming when Dream managed to grab his ankle. “Okay, okay, I surrender! I’m sorry!”

“So you’ll let me kiss it better?”

“No,” George denied. 

Dream began tickling him, grinning maniacally. “Let me kiss it better!”

“No- haha- no, Dream, stop-” George cut off with a loud shriek, squirming and lightly hitting Dream’s arms. “Let me go!”

Dream didn’t let go until Sam came over to get them for lunch, hiding a knowing smile as he moved past them to get everyone else. 

Mars poked Rea and Jem to get their attention.

They turned to look at them, laughing. “What’s up?”

“Look at that group,” Mars whispered unnecessarily. “It's huge. Are they having a birthday party or something?”

Jem, who had her back to said group, twisted around to look at them. 

It was, indeed, a large group. There had to be at least twenty of them, all in their late teens or early adulthood stage of life. Most of them had towels wrapped around their waists, and they were all chatting as they lined up in a (very) malformed line. 

“What the fuck,” Rea said passionately.

“I agree,” Jem voiced. “What the fuck.”

“What the fuck indeed,” Mars agreed. “And tell me if I’m wrong, but I could swear on my twitter account and all the clout I have that I recognize at least six of them.”

Rea squinted. Jem squinted as well, even though she had her contacts in. 

“Y’know,” Rea said. “I think you’re right. Some of them look awfully familiar.”

“Punch me if I’m wrong,” Jem said, still squinting at the group. “But is that _Wilbur?”_

Mars and Rea both turned to look at her. 

“ _What_ ,” They both said in unison.

“Yeah, that’s how I feel. Can I get a confirmation or-” Jem cut off, waving one of her hands at the group. 

“Yeah, no, I think I just saw Tommy,” Rea said, ungluing her eyes from the group to stare at Jem and Mars in mild shock. 

“Mars, you’re the only one with decent vision here, help us out.”

“Now personally, I’m pretty sure I just saw both Wilbur _and_ Tommy _plus_ Eret and Fundy.”

“What world are we living in?”

Mars stared at Jem, face deadpan. “A fictional one, duh.”

“Shh, that’s irrelevant,” Rea shushed. “Jem, I have no idea what world we’re in.”

“Reasonable. Okay, but, are we _sure_ it's _them_ or-”

“I’d say there's a solid ninety-five percent chance it is.”

“Should we like, go up and ask them for a photo or something?”

Sudden realization dawned on Rea’s face.

“Jem,” She said, snapping her fingers and pointing at her. “Do you remember that one tweet you made literally _ages_ ago about everyone living together?”

Jem’s eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. “That was like a good year and a half ago, but yeah, why?”

Mars gasped. 

“Do you think he saw it and got everyone together?!” They yelped, bolting upright. “Do you think he’d do that?”

“Well, he didn’t like it,” Jem said. “The tweet, I mean.”

“But he’d want to keep it a secret, right?” Mars said, taking the lead. “Everyone can see his likes and shit. Maybe he had a secret private _private_ alt that he used to like the tweet. Or maybe he didn’t react to the tweet at all and just went for it!”

Jem stared at Mars. 

“I’m gonna go ask for a picture,” she said. 

Rea and Mars burst out laughing. 

“Are you guys gonna come with me or am I gonna have to be socially awkward by myself?”

“We’re coming, we’re coming,” Rea said, brushing off her hands and standing up. 

“If it’s not them can we agree to go die in a hole together from embarrassment?” Mars asked. 

“Yes,” Jem and Rea agreed in sync. 

As the three neered the group, they began unintentionally picking up on bits and pieces of their conversation. 

“Tommy, Wilbur, please stop fighting, I’m giving Ranboo the food first.”

“What? But-”

“Oh, and then Tubbo-”

“No, Phil, please-”

“Hey, Sam, where’s that pumpkin pie of yours?”

“I didn’t make any for this trip - I brought cookies though! Do you want some?”

“Ooo, yes please.”

Mars lightly tapped one of the shorter people on the shoulder (good lord, why were they all so tall?), a nervous smile plastered across their face. 

The person turned to look at them, an easy smile resting on their face.

Jem nearly fell over when she recognized him. 

_“Quackity?”_ Rea half yelled, slapping a hand over her mouth when some people turned to give her weird looks. Quackity’s expression morphed into one of surprise before the color drained from his face and a look that could only be described as _‘Oh, shit,’_ took over. 

“Uh,” He said. “Hi! Are you guys fans?”

They stood there, staring at him. 

“Hello?” Quackity laughed nervously. “Are you guys okay?”

“You’re Quackity,” Mars said. 

“ _The_ Quackity,” Jem added. 

“Holy shit,” Rea said.

“I am,” Quackity confirmed. 

“Hey, Quackity,” Someone else said, coming up and clapping him in the back. “Are you gonna get your food or- Oh, hello!”

Jem stared. 

Mars and Rea just looked at each other, shock written all over their faces.

“Are you guys fans?” The man who just joined them asked, voice cheery. “Quackity, you aren’t being _rude,_ right?”

“Nonono,” Rea rushed in. “No, uh, we’re just in shock.”

“Are you _Dream?”_ Jem blurted out. She shut her mouth immediately, facepalming. “Uhm.”

“I am!” Dream laughed. “I take it that you three are fans?”

“Yes?! Holy shit.”

“Either I’m dreaming or I’ve magiced one of my tweets to come true.”

“Jem, shush, we can freak out about that later. Uh, can we get a photo?”

Dream smiled apologetically. “Not with me, but I’m sure Quackity will be fine with one.”

“Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Wow, okay, holy shit.”

“Dream! Tell Sapnap to stop stealing my food!”

“Sapnap, stop stealing George’s food!”

“Simp!”

“I’m not a simp!” Dream turned around to look at Sapnap. “No! Hey! Sapnap, no, don’t touch my food!”

They watched Dream run off, yelling at Sapnap. 

Quackity turned back to them, smiling. “So, how about we get that photo?”

_| quackity4k and 72 others liked |  
_ _@ItzJemStone  
_ _@honkm4rs @awhrea @quackity4k i think we simultaneously combusted today  
_ _[image: Rea and Jem are standing to the left of Quackity, who has a swim cap on, smiling. Mars is to his right, grinning widely. They all have bathing suits on, and the background is clearly a pool of sorts]  
_ _→ @idontknowthisuser  
_ _Replying to @ItzJemStone YOO POG  
_ _→ @hellowelcometochaos  
_ _Replying to @ItzJemStone @honkm4rs and 2 others Why does quackity wearing a swim cap give me so much serotonin_

* * *

“Hello,” Dream said into the phone. “I’d like to make a reservation.”

“Yes, of course? How many people and what date?”

“Uh…” Dream did a mental count of everyone. “Thirty-three people on the twenty-second, please.”

“My apologies, excuse my unprofessionalism, but _what._ ”

* * *

“Where’s my tie?”

“Sapnap, why the hell are you still in sweats?”

“We’re _going_ somewhere?”

“We have dinner reservations? It’s been on the calendar for nearly three weeks!”

“Put on some nice clothes you guys! This is supposed to be a fancy dinner!”

“Bitch, we’re streamers, how nice do you think we can possibly get?! We go outside approximately five times a year!” 

“True!” 

“Has anyone seen my suit jacket?”

“Ten minutes!”

“Shut up!”

“Where the fuck is my phone?”

“Skeppy, since when did you have a goddamn Corneliani suit?”

“No idea! I just kinda had it sitting in my closet!”

“Are you telling me you just happened to _have_ a fucking Corneliani suit sitting in your closet?!”

“Yup!”

“Does anyone have a spare black suit jacket? Or a vest?”

“Where did my fucking shoes go?”

“HAS ANYONE SEEN MY PANTS?!”

“Bro, don’t walk around without pants on!”

“Fuck off, you’re just jealous my ass is better looking than yours!”

“What ass?”

“You take that back!”

“Seven minutes, guys!”

“Where the hell did my hair gel go?”

“How did you lose your _hair gel?_ We have our own bathrooms!”

“I don’t know, you tell me! You’re my roommate!”

“Why are half of you guys still half dressed?!”

“Because half of us were sleeping!”

“Why were you sleeping when you knew about the dinner reservations?”

“It’s called having a screwed up sleep schedule, you should try it out sometime!”

“No thanks!”

“Five minutes!”

“We get it Bad, now shut up so we can get ready!”

“Hey, don’t yell at Bad!”

“Go away, Skeppy, I didn’t ask!”

Jimmy watched everyone run by, sighing and turning to Purpled, who was texting someone on his phone.

“You’d think thirty twenty year old men would know how to manage their time better,” he said in a means of starting up a conversation. 

“They’re all twelve at heart,” Purpled commented, glancing up to look at him. “And they never leave the house and don’t have a consecutive sleep schedule. I don’t think they even know what time management _means.”_

“Three minutes!” Bad yelled in the background. Someone gave him the middle finger. Jimmy sighed again.

“Well, I’m gonna head downstairs.”

“Alright. I’m gonna wait for Ranboo and the others.”

Jimmy gave him a thumbs up before turning around and taking the long flight of stairs down, rolling his eyes at the sounds of Tommy getting in another argument.

He hoped the dinner itself wasn’t as chaotic. 

Somehow, they managed to make it through the dinner without any big incidents. In fact, the worst thing that happened was Chandler “accidently” spilling his drink all over Chris’ suit. Even the most chaotic of the chaotic had behaved themselves well - although, to be fair, Tommy _had_ been half asleep and Quackity had spent most of the dinner explaining astrology to Karl, unable to do anything crazy. All the others just seemed to calm themselves a bit for the sake of looking normal and well behaved.

When they got home, Sam made a beeline to his room, nearly tripping when Dream held him back from going upstairs. 

“Wait, I’ve got an announcement I want to make.”

Sam yawned. “Okay.”

“Everyone!” Dream said, cupping his hands around his mouth to amplify his voice (which wasn’t really necessary since everyone was crowded around the foot of the staircase in an attempt to go upstairs to their rooms). “I’ve got an announcement! We’re going to go on a road trip in two days to New York City! Pack suitcases with a minimum of three days worth toiletries and clothes. I want everyone who wants to go to choose car groups, because we aren’t taking the limo there.”

“What time are we leaving?”

“By ten at the latest; the drive should be from seven to eight hours long, and I want to get there by eight at the latest.”

“How are we going to explain to everyone when we’re not streaming?”

Dream paused, considered the question, then waved it off. “Let them question it. Try not schedule streams for the next week; I checked with all of you guys, and as far as I’m aware, no one has streams planned for this week, right?”

Mumbles of _no’s_ floated through the air. 

“Okay! We’ll discuss it more tomorrow, I just wanted to let all of you guys know now. Sleep well!”

Dream moved, letting everyone stumble upstairs. The only ones who stayed downstairs were George and Sapnap; everyone else headed straight upstairs, whether that was to change or pass out. 

“I’m gonna do a speedrun stream in one of the offices,” Sapnap said, saluting jokingly to Dream and George. “Don’t do anything nasty, okay?”

_“Sapnap.”_

Sapnap laughed, bolting up the stairs once he caught wind of George’s murderous look. Dream laughed.

“He’s an idiot and I hate him,” George grumbled. 

“But you’re an idiot too and I still love you,” Dream teased. 

“I hate you too. Keep that up and I’m gonna just go upstairs.”

Dream laughed. “Sure you are,”

“Okay, Dream, bye, enjoy yourself downstairs.”

Dream only laughed harder when George didn’t make a single move to get up and follow through with his words. 

* * *

Note to self, do not volunteer to drive five other people on a seven hour drive when you’ve had a constant headache for the past sixteen hours. 

Bad wasn’t sure what he’d expected. Peace, quiet? Hah! _Tommy_ was in his car. 

“Tommy,” Bad said for what must’ve been the twentieth time in that hour. “Please keep it down.”

Tommy continued chattering, though he did decrease the volume he was talking at a bit. 

“I’m going to bang my head against something,” Bad muttered darkly. “It’s been two hours and my headaches have been getting worse.”

Skeppy gave him a worried look. “The first stop isn’t going to be for another hour or so, are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

“No,” Bad muttered. 

“Do you want me to drive? I can drive for a bit so you can try and rest that headache off,” Skeppy offered.

“Normally I’d decline, but I might take you up on that offer,” Bad said, blinking tiredly. “Actually, I will definitely be taking you up on that. One second.”

Bad pulled the car over to the side, shooting everyone in the back apologetic looks as he unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the door. Skeppy mirrored him, stepping out and hopping over to the drivers side.

“Okay, you guys are going to be quiet for at least the next hour so Bad can try and rest his headache off,” Skeppy threatened after buckling his seatbelt. “Tommy, I’m looking at you.”

Tommy threw his hands up in surrender. “I’ll be quiet, don’t worry. I’ll just text Tubbo or something.”

“Thank you,” Bad mumbled, making himself comfortable before shutting his eyes and drifting off. 

As promised, everyone stayed quiet. Ant and Red engaged in quiet conversation while Tommy and Purpled texted people. 

Surprisingly, they managed to stay quiet during the whole duration up until the first stop.

(If that was because Skeppy had shot them dirty looks every time someone made a noise louder than a whisper, no one needed to know.)

Skeppy parked the van, nudging Bad lightly after the other four had left to go to the bathroom. “Bad.”

Bad mumbled incomprehensibly and blearily swatted Skeppy’s hand away. 

Skeppy poked him. “Bad, we’re at the first stop. I know you’re gonna wanna use the bathroom, get up.”

“Go away, Geppy,” Bad responded, voice muffled by his hoodie. “Tryna sleep.”

Skeppy sighed. “Bad.”

No response. He grumbled, stepping out of his side and walking over to Bad’s side, opening the door and climbing in to perch on the seat, his face approximately a foot and a half away from Bad’s. 

Bad shifted slightly, head tilting to glance at him with barely open green eyes. “What.”

“Get up, you’re gonna want to go to the bathroom. The next stop isn’t going to be for a good three to four hours,” Skeppy repeated, nudging Bad. 

“Okay, okay,” he yawned, sitting up and blinking. Skeppy grinned. “How’s that headache of yours?”

 _“Way_ better.”

“Yeah? That’s great!”

Bad nodded. Skeppy hopped out, allowing Bad access to the outer world. 

“Do we have snacks?”

“Yeah,” Skeppy replied. “We have a bag full of them. I don’t know how much we have left though.”

“Are you guys talking about snacks?” Sam interrupted, smiling. “Because I’ve got plenty. I have muffins, if you want them?”

Bad’s eyes light up. “Ooh, yes please! They _are_ gluten free though, right?”

“Of course!” Sam said. “I wouldn’t want you to end up in the hospital because of a baking mistake. That would be horrible.”

Bad hummed. “I appreciate that. How has your car ride been so far?”

“Mostly peaceful - H did take out his inner cat maid and torture Fundy though. _That_ was fun to watch.”

Skeppy furrowed his eyebrows as Bad laughed, asking Sam how traumatized Fundy had been. He’d heard stories of Hbomb being a cat maid but had never actually experienced or seen it happen in person, live or on video. Surely it wasn't _that_ bad.

“I think Fundy was on the verge of tears,” Sam was saying, chuckling. “He was very pained the whole time. He begged for help; Puffy thought it was funny and played along while Niki and I just kind of ignored his pleas and talked.”

“Sounds like you guys had a great time,” Bad laughed. 

Skeppy frowned. “Surely it wasn’t _that_ funny.”

“It was,” Sam denied. “Have you never seen H’s videos where he’s a cat maid?”

“No?”

Sam looked at him with wide eyes. _“No?!”_

Skeppy shook his head. “Nope.”

“Oh, you’re missing out, Skeppy,” Bad said. “You need to watch it once we get back on the road; it's great.”

Skeppy nodded, somewhat bewildered. 

At least he wouldn’t be bored for the first bit of the ride. 

Sapnap regretted letting Dream drive for the second portion of the trip.

Now, in the physical sense, it was perfectly fine. He could relax, not have to keep his eyes on the road all the time, and could properly goof off with Karl and Quackity. 

But he was sitting in the backseat.

And that was a problem because all it did was give him a front row seat to Dream and George being sappy idiots. 

Currently, George was feeding Dream pudding (who ate _pudding_ on a road trip?), laughing when the spoon missed slightly and ended with pudding dribbling down the side of Dream’s mouth. 

“George!” Dream laughed, trying to lick it up before it got on his hoodie. “Be careful!”

“No, no, keep your hands on the steering wheel,” George scolded when Dream tried to wipe it off. “I’ll do it. You’re a fucking safety hazzard - you’re lucky we even let you _drive,_ good lord.”

Dream obliged, laughing and putting his hand back on the steering wheel. George took a napkin and wiped his mouth, shrieking when Dream bit his fingers playfully. 

Sapnap sighed deeply.

“Okay, no, it’s _cheating,”_ Quackity argued from his left. To his right, Karl made a noise of protest, pulling out his phone. “No, it isn’t-”

“Yes it is-”

Sapnap turned his attention to them. 

“Look, see, they’re called polyamourous relationships! It’s not _cheating-”_

“Yes it is-”

“Quackity, we’ve been in this platonic polyamourous relationship for like a year,” Sapnap interrupted. “How do you _still_ think it’s _cheating?”_

“Not the relationship itself, you dingus,” Quackity said. “I mean you proposing to Karl and just leaving me out of it.”

Sapnap and Karl stared at him. 

“That was in _Minecraft!”_

“In a _roleplay!”_

“Doesn’t matter! You still left me out!”

“I propose we all get married later!” Karl protested. “If anything, blame Sapnap!”

“Wow, no, what the hell?”

“You’re the one who did the proposing!”

“Okay, that doesn-”

Sapnap was cut off by Dream slamming on the brakes, causing their seat belts to lock and just barely save all their noses. 

“Dream!” George yelled. 

“Sorry, sorry!” Dream said, shaking his hair out of his face. “There's some stupid traffic jam. George, do you have a hair tie?”

“No?”

“Do you guys?” Dream asked, glancing behind him momentarily.

“Nope.”

“Damn,” Dream said, running his hand through his hair. “Do we have any rubber bands then? George, check the glove compartment.”

George rummaged through the glove compartment, grinning triumphantly when he found a bag of rubber bands. “Got em!”

“Hand me one,” Dream said, holding out a hand. 

George obliged, opening the bag and dropping one in his hand. “Aren’t rubber bands uncomfortable though?”

“Mhm,” Dream said, quickly pulling his hair back into a low ponytail. “I’d rather deal with it than have my hair in my face though. Loose hair is annoying when you don’t want to deal with it.”

Sapnap groaned at the soft smile Dream gave George, thanking him before setting his eyes back on the road before him.

Quackity poked his arm.

“Yeah?” He asked, turning to give Quackity his attention. “What’s up?”

“Do you have a portable charger?”

Sapnap stared at him. “Seriously?”

“I forgot to charge my phone last night, okay! Now do you have one or not?”

“I- Yeah, I do,” Sapnap chuckled, shuffling through his bag before pulling out the portable charger and handing it to Quackity. “Don’t break it!”

“I won’t,” Quackity said, plugging his phone in and setting it to the side. “Okay. Can we play the licence plate game?”

Sapnap grinned. “Oh, you’re going _down.”_

“Phil, Ranboo won’t share his gummy worms with me.”

“They're mine! I bought them with my own money. It’s not a family bag, so therefore I’m not obligated to share.”

Phil let out a long sigh. Beside him, Eret chuckled awkwardly. 

“Ranboo, how big is your bag of gummy worms?”

“It’s a five pound bag,” Ranboo responded around a mouthful. “So pretty big.”

Phil processed these words. Eret twisted around to look at Ranboo. 

“Why do you have a _five pound bag_ of gummy worms?”

“Why not?”

“A good point,” Eret said, turning around to face the front again, “Carry on.”

Tubbo scowled. “I want some. Phil, make him give me some.”

“No, they’re mine. I refuse to share.”

“Ranboo, at least give him one or two; with a five pound bag, it won’t make a difference.”

“Every single gummy makes a difference,” Ranboo countered. “I will not share.”

“Okay, Ranboo, answer me this. Would you take a bullet for Tubbo?” Phil asked.

Ranboo answered with no hesitation. “Absolutely. Anytime, anywhere.”

“Okay, then surely you can sha-”

“Not a chance,” Ranboo interrupted. 

Eret laughed. Phil held himself back from banging his head against the steering wheel. “So you’d take a bullet for Tubbo but refuse to give him a single gummy worm from a five pound bag?”

“Yup.”

“I don’t understand you.”

“I don’t either,” Tubbo moaned. “I just wanted some gummy worms and instead he’s bullying me.”

“I’m not _bullying_ you,” Ranboo said. “All I’m doing is denying you access to my gummy worms.”

“Exactly.”

“I don’t know, that sounds kind of like bullying to me,” Eret voiced. 

“How is that _bullying?”_

“Well, first off, you’re not sharing your gummy worms.”

“That's just being selfish at worst, it’s not _bullying._ ”

“Yes it is.”

“No!” Ranboo cried. “Bullying is like calling you short over and over or something. Actually, wait, you _are_ short. Why are you so short?” 

“I can’t help my genetic makeup and my DNA formation!”

“Then tell it to help itself!”

“How does that even work?!”

“I don’t know, why are you asking me?!”

Tubbo pouted. “I hate this road trip. This sucks.”

“Get out of the car then,” Ranboo suggested. “We’ll call you on skype when we get there.”

“Noooo, I don’t wanna be on _skype_ the whole time.”

“Then suck it up and deal with it.”

Silence. 

“Hey, Phil-”

“No, we’re not stopping for snacks, Tubbo.”

“Why not?”

“We have all our rest stations planned out and the next one isn’t for at least another hundred or so miles.”

“There are no gas stations around here, Tubbo, it’s all plains and grass and cows!”

“Shut up, Eret!”

“Oh.”

“I’m all set!” Ranboo grinned. “I have gummy worms!”

“Give me some gummy worms Ranboo!” 

“No!”

“Yes!”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“N-”

Phil resisted the urge to stop the car right then and there. “For _fucks_ sake! Share the gummy worms or I’m turning this car around!”

“Fine!” Ranboo begrudgingly handed Tubbo a handful of gummy worms. “There.”

They continued in silence for about fifteen minutes before Tubbo asked, “Do you think it’s possible to trident around in piss in minecraft?”

Phil groaned. Ranboo gave Tubbo an extremely concerned look. 

“You can’t _piss_ in minecraft though,” Eret said. 

“Well, obviously not. Imagine if you could; that’d be horrible. You’d need bathrooms and everything. But theoretically, if you could, would it be possible to trident around using the piss?”

“Well, piss is basically water, so technically I guess you could,” Eret hummed. 

“Please stop talking about pee in minecraft,” Ranboo moaned, dragging a hand down his face. Phil wondered if this was worse than having Tommy, Techno, and Wilbur in a five foot radius of one another. 

“But like-”

“Tubbo, I _will_ give you a canon death.”

“We’re not even playing minecraft!”

“Doesn’t matter!”

“Wow- AH! Ranboo, what the hell, where did you get that- NO, no, I’m sorry, no, please-”

“Sit down and do not threaten each other,” Philza ground out. “Or I _will_ turn this goddamn car around.”

Everyone shut up and returned to their seats. 

Tubbo sighed. “Phil.”

Phil ignored him.

“Phillll. Phil. Phil? Philzaaaa. Dadza. Phiiiilllll.”

“Yes?!”

“Are we there yetttttt.”

“Alright,” Ranboo said, moving in towards Tubbo before Phil could respond. “That’s a canon kill. Come here, Tubbo!”

“No! Ranboo, no, stop-”

“Are we there yet?”

“ _ERET_.” Ranboo hissed. “You get over here too. Second canon kill! One and two!”

Phil sighed. He still wasn’t sure if these three were better or worse than Techno, Wil, and Tommy. 

He supposed he’d find out eventually. 

“TUBBO, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!”

Yeah. He’d find out. 

Miraculously, they arrived at the gas station in one piece.

Physically, at least. Mentally, Phil wasn’t as positive that they’d all managed. 

He was mostly worried for Ranboo. Eret and Tubbo had had some… interesting conversations on the way over. And Ranboo had sat through most of them, quietly suffering while eating from his five pound bag of gummy worms.

“Ranboo, what if those gummy worms came to life?”

“Okay,” Ranboo said, throwing his hands in the air. “That’s it. I’m getting in the car and driving away. Goodbye.”

Philza let out a pained chuckle. “Do you even have a license, Ranboo?”

“That’s not gonna stop me, Phil,” Ranboo answered, threateningly turning around towards the car. “Don’t test me.”

“Ranboo, will you share your gummy worms with me if I stop asking obscure things?”

“Yes. No. Well, maybe. I’d consider it.”

“Aww, come on now, I just want some snacks.”

“Did I hear you guys need snacks?” A familiar voice popped in, the smile easily heard through the voice. Tubbo jumped, turning to look at him. 

“Sam! Hi!”

“Hi Tubbo! Ranboo! Phil, Eret, hello! How has your ride been so far?”

“Chaotic,” Phil answered. “And snackless. We’ve been relying on Ranboo’s five pound gummy worm bag this whole time.”

Sam laughed. “Why do you have a five pound bag of gummy worms?”

“Why not?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, I don’t see why not. Well, fear not, because I’m stacked up on snacks and have come to deliver some to you guys. Here, I’ve got some of my homemade pumpkin pie cut up into bite size pieces,” Sam placed the plate in Tubbo’s hands. “Some of Niki’s godly chocolate chip cookies… H’s mini breakfast omelettes… Puffy’s brownies… and some store bought chips and drinks.” He handed them all off, smiling. “That should last you the rest of the trip, yeah?”

Phil could kiss Sam right then and there. “You just saved me so many brain cells, thank you so much.”

“No problem!”

“Here, have a gummy worm!” Ranboo offered, holding up the bag. “As a thank you.”

Sam blinked. “Oh, wow, you weren’t kidding when you said you had a five pound bag,” He said, reaching in and grabbing a few. “Thanks! Again, enjoy the snacks and try to ratio them so they last!”

They nodded. Phil gave him another word of thanks, watching him go as Tubbo turned to go stash away their newfound goods. 

Sam gave him a thumbs up.

Phil took it as encouragement.

When Sam got back to his group, Dream was asking Niki and Puffy for hair ties. 

“Do you have any spares I could use?”

Niki shook her head apologetically. “No, I’m afraid not.”

Puffy nodded. “I don’t usually tie my hair up, so I don’t really keep them on me. Oh, Sam! Sam, do you have spare hair bands?”

Sam scrunched his face up. “No, but if I remember correctly I’m pretty sure H might have one or two lying around.” He glanced around. “Actually, speaking of H, where’d he go?”

“I told him to go get me a slushie from the gas station,” Fundy answered, tone miserable and pained. “He wouldn’t leave me alone. Did you guys _have_ to bring up the cat maid thing around him?”

Sam snickered apologetically. “Sorry, but you have to admit, it’s kinda funny.”

“He’s never gonna stop,” Fundy moaned, lightly banging his head against the car. “I’m going to suffer for the rest of the trip.”

“Just ask him to stop,” Dream said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

“No, you don’t understand,” Fundy hissed. “He doesn’t stop until he himself chooses to. I can’t ask him to stop, he’ll just drag it on longer.”

“Oh.” Dream frowned. “That sucks.”

“I feel like our ‘consent or bye bitch’ rule should come in power here.”

“Well, what he’s doing isn’t exactly anything relating to explicit consent, right? Because from what I’ve heard, it’s more like he’s being an annoying sibling who won’t leave you alone.” Dream peered at Fundy. “Are you truly uncomfortable with what he’s doing or just find it painfully annoying?”

“Painfully annoying is one way of putting it,” Fundy grumbled. “Try ‘ _I would rather be half my height than deal with him.’”_

“Well, if it does become uncomfortable, tell him. I’m sure he’ll stop.”

Fundy grumbled some more. As if summoned, Hbomb appeared right then as well, holding a large slushie and handing it Fundy.

Fundy grumbled in acknowledgement, taking the slushie and slinking off. 

“Master!” H started. “Don’t be sad! Why are you sad?”

“Okay, wait, pause,” Sam said, holding H back from going after Fundy. “Do you have a hair tie?”

Hbomb blinked, momentarily breaking character. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I do, why?”

“Dream is in need of one,” Sam explained. “He, uh, seems a little desperate.”

Dream combed his hair back with his hands. “Yeah, kinda. Rubber bands aren’t exactly the best placeholders for hair bands.”

The girls visibly winced. Hbomb laughed. “Yeah, let me go grab it.”

They watched him retreat to the car, opening the door and rummaging through what Sam guessed was his backpack. 

He returned with a hot pink scrunchie, smiling apologetically. “I don’t have any plain hair ties, sorry. This’ll work though, right?”

“Oh, yeah, thanks,” Dream thanked, gratefully taking the scrunchie and pulling his hair back. “Okay, we’ll be getting back on the road in about five minutes. I’ll see you guys at our final designation?”

Niki gave him a thumbs up as H nodded. Puffy gave Dream a light pat before he moved away back towards his own group.

Sam stretched his arms. “So, we ready to hit the road?”

Enthusiastic grins met his question. Puffy pumped her fists in the air. 

“Let’s do this!"

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ https://discord.gg/AJ3R5htnQ6](https://discord.gg/AJ3R5htnQ6)


	5. welcome to new york city, city of new yorks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Kids,” Bad said. 
> 
> “Kids,” Tommy repeated, ripping open the fruit snack from Sam and popping one in his mouth. “Aquired through the art of sex. Interesting. Shall I whip out my How to Sex books for this? Maybe even all three volumes?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jem: no one actually says the chapter title in the chapter, i just thought it sounded funny lmao. ANYWAYS thank you for all the support guys - pls know i appreciate all of yall :D (also the flow of this chapter is absolute shit sorry in advance)
> 
> mars: did we decide to give techno long dyed hair just because i wanted the braiding interaction? yes. well. that and the fact that fucker is somehow still faceless even though hes done a face reveal. anyways.
> 
> rea: hello. im failing two classes but i chose to write fanfics instead and uh. awesamdad content pls. much love. ty for reading

The arrival to New York City was uneventful. Because of the traffic jam they’d gotten stuck in, they’d ended up arriving later than the time they’d originally planned on. They’d all filed into their designated hotel, most of them tired and barely able to keep standing. Some were leaning heavily on each other for support; Sapnap was one of them, leaning on Quackity with nearly all his weight, and Karl standing off to the side and snapping pictures while giggling quietly. Sam had to check them in, with Dream barely being able to move with how clingy George was being. 

“Do we have room assignments?” Sam asked, returning to the drowsy group with a collection of room cards.

“No,” Dream answered. “You guys are free to choose, once again. Make sure you room with people you’re comfortable sharing a bed with; we booked eight rooms and we’re not wasting money on any more, so everyone’s going to have to deal with it. Of course, all the rooms have a couch that turns into a pullout bed, in case you guys want to use that. Any questions?”

Several shaking heads. Dream gave a weak thumbs up. “Alright then. Everyone go ahead and choose your rooms; I’ll be rooming with George, Sapnap, Karl, and Quackity in…” Dream paused, motioning for Sam to pass him one of the room keycards. Sam obeyed, handing one over. “Room 263. Okay. Go wild, everyone.”

Many yawned, half-heartedly asking each other if they’d be fine with rooming together. Fundy immediately scrambled away from Hbomb, attaching himself to Phil and begging him to let him room with him. (Phil agreed; whether it was out of pity or not was up for debate.) Somehow, the four minors ended up together as well, to Ranboo’s greatest (I thought I’d finally get sleep this trip!) displeasure. Skeppy and Bad also paired up, a silent conversation passing between them before they both nodded and went back to being half asleep on each other. The girls ended up asking Sam and Hbomb to room with them, claiming that the two “drank the most respect women juice” of everyone there. They agreed, and after another five minutes of quiet, sleepy conversation, everyone headed up to their rooms with their groups, dragging their suitcases and backpacks with them. 

“I’m so glad I can finally sleep now,” Ponk yawned on the elevator ride up.

Mumbles of agreement answered him. Some others yawned. 

When the elevator dinged and it’s doors opened, everyone filed out quietly, many with their eyes half open and half conscious. They all split up at the intersection area, heading off to their respective hallways in which their rooms resided in. 

“Hey, George, we have to share,” Dream mentioned as Karl swung the door to their room open. 

“Share what?” George asked groggily, rubbing his eyes. 

“A bed.”

George seemed to bolt awake at that. “No.”

Dream pouted. “Why not?”

George ignored him, breaking free of Dream’s half hug and sauntering into the room. “Where’s the couch?”

“George, we have to share-”

“No. Absolutely not. Not a _chance._ Cuddle with Sapnap or something; I’m taking the couch. Do not touch me, do not try and argue with me, and do not come within six feet of me. Karl, Quackity, you two can share a bed or whatever. Or sleep on the floor. I don't care. I’m just not gonna cuddle with Dream.”

They all stared at him as he expertly pulled out the pullout bed and set his backpack on it. 

“Thank you and goodnight,” He offered, kicking off his shoes and flopping on the bed, burying his face into the mattress. Dream opened his mouth to say something, only to hesitate and not say it at all. 

“Don’t you want pillows and blankets, or any of that stuff?” Karl asked.

“He already has the couch pillows,” Sapnap pointed out. 

George didn’t respond. Instead, he got up and robotically grabbed two of the four pillows sitting on the closest bed and threw it onto the couch before crawling back onto the pullout and loosening the blankets tightly wound around the mattress. “Goodnight.”

Quackity draped himself across the bed that hadn’t been disturbed. “Come cuddle with me, Karl.”

Sapnap feigned hurt. “Just Karl? What about me?”

“Fuck off, Sapnap,” Quackity retaliated. 

“Oh, wow, okay, I see how it is. Dream, cuddle with me.”

“What? No.”

“But you were so willing to do it with George-”

“No, I said we’d have to share a bed, not that we’d have to _cuddle._ ”

“Sure. It’s okay, I get it. You don’t wanna give me, a homie you love, a few cuddles, but you’ll willingly share a bed with George, a homie you _love._ I see how it is here.”

Dream sputtered. “What-”

“Sapnap, come join us,” Karl called from the bed. “Leave Dream to sleep alone. Let him feel the pain of being single and oblivious.” 

Sapnap obliged, flopping on top of him and Quackity while giving Dream the middle finger. Dream gave him one back before flopping on the empty bed, taking his shoes off and not bothering with changing. 

“Someone turn the lights off,” George mumbled from his spot on the couch. 

“You do it,” Sapnap answered. 

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“You’re so lazy, George.”

“Sure I am.”

“Stop arguing,” Dream groaned, getting up and turning the light off himself. “There. Now goodnight everyone.”

“G’night.”

“Sleep well!”

“Mmm. ‘ight”

“Night.”

Putting Vurb and Spifey in the same room as Bad and Skeppy had been a horrible idea. 

At least, that’s what Skeppy personally thought. 

They’d gotten into bed (after washing up), and they were now lying quietly in the dark. 

Mostly. Vurb, at random intervals, kept whispering “Skephalo?”, preventing Bad and Skeppy from actually being able to fall asleep. 

And as most people were when prevented from sleeping, Bad was cranky and mildly pissed off. 

“Skephalo?” Vurb whispered for like the fourteen hundredth time that night. 

“Vurb, shut up,” Bad grumbled, annoyance clear in his voice. 

“Please,” Skeppy added. 

“Are you guys cuddling?” Spifey asked. 

“Secretly kissing?” Vurb added. 

“Maybe holding hands?”

Skeppy, who was facing the two, glared at him. “No.”

“Aww, come on now,” Vurb said, sitting halfway up and propping himself up on one arm. “Don’t you want to cuddle and stay warm? Y’know, body heat and all?”

“Fuck off,” Skeppy offered.

“You tell them,” Bad mumbled. “Language though.”

Spifey awed. “You guys are so in love.”

“They are,” Vurb agreed. 

“I’m going to sleep and if either of you guys wake me up one more time I’m going to throw a knife at you,” Bad threatened.

“Ooh, getting violent now, are we?”

“Please shut up,” Skeppy groaned. “I want to _sleep.”_

Vurb and Spifey, kindly enough, shut up and went to sleep, allowing all of them to get the chance to properly rest up before the next day. 

In the room with the four minors, on the other hand, the exact opposite was happening. 

“Y’know, I’ve been thinking a lot recently,” Tubbo whispered. “About why Wilbur hates anteaters so much.”

Tommy propped himself up on one arm, laying on his side. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Tubbo said. “Like. They t-pose when they feel threatened. Have you seen the pictures of them doing that? It’s horrible. No wonder Wilbur doesn’t like them.”

Tommy reached for his phone, unlocking it and searching it up. “Do they actually?” He pulled up the results, clicking on images. “Oh, my god, okay, nope,” Tommy said, closing the tab and placing his phone back on the nightstand beside him. “That _is_ horrifying.”

Beside Ranboo, Purpled groaned and got up, squatting down next to his duffel bag and shuffling through it. 

Tubbo continued whisper-talking. “Oh! Tommy, I was thinking a bit about my character in the SMP! I was thinking, what if we somehow coded it so that whenever I died, a bunch of angry bees would spawn in?”

“Tubbo, what the fuck?”

Purpled aha-ed triumphantly, interrupting Ranboo’s zoned-out listening session. “Found 'em!”

He was holding a small container, which contained what was clearly earplugs. Ranboo watched as Purpled crawled back into the bed and shoved them into his ears, pulling the covers over himself once again before drifting off. 

Ranboo sighed, pulling out his phone and opening the texting app.

**_some illegal shit, probably_ **

**_1:49 AM  
_ ** **_ranboo:_ ** _i just wanted sleep  
_ **_ranboo:_ ** _but no  
_ **_ranboo:_ ** _it never changes  
_ **_ranboo:_ ** _how are they not tired  
_ **_wilbur:_ ** _you poor child_

**_DIRECT MESSAGES → technoblade_ **

**_1:54 AM  
_ ** **_ranboo:_ ** _i’m tired and need a hug  
_ **_techno:_ ** _would you like me to deliver a hug?  
_ **_ranboo:_ ** _yes  
_ **_ranboo:_ ** _please  
_ **_techno:_ ** _are you serious  
_ **_ranboo:_ ** _very  
_ **_techno:_ ** _do you actually want me to sneak out to give you a hug  
_ **_ranboo:_ ** _yes  
_ **_techno:_ ** _ok  
_ **_techno:_ ** _meet me at the elevators  
_ **_ranboo:_ ** _okay_

Ranboo got up, moving carefully as to not wake Purpled. Tubbo and Tommy didn’t ask any questions, continuing to blabber on in very loud whisper voices. 

He completely forgot about grabbing one of the room keys; he only took his phone and a hoodie with him, opening and closing the door as quietly as he could before walking to where the elevators were in long strides. 

Techno was already waiting for him there, dressed comfortably in sweats with his long hair falling loosely atop his shoulders. 

When he noticed Ranboo approaching, he shifted and held his arms open, a clear invitation. Ranboo stumbled into it, slumping slightly and hugging back. 

“Thanks,” He mumbled into Techno’s shirt. 

Techno awkwardly patted his back, effortlessly supporting Ranboo’s slumped figure. “Mhm.”

They stood there silently, arms around each other and a comforting aura surrounding them. 

“Feeling better?” Techno finally asked after several long minutes had passed. 

“Yes,” Ranboo yawned, pulling away. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.” Techno shifted awkwardly, shoving his hands into his pockets. “So, uh, you gonna head back to bed, or-”

“I’m not going back to my room for at least another hour,” Ranboo responded firmly. “I’m going downstairs. You’re free to go back, though.”

“Nah, I’ll come,” Techno dismissed. “I’ve got nothing better to do anyway.”

Ranboo nodded his head in understanding, passive aggressively pressing the elevator buttons before stepping back and watching the numbers above the elevators slowly rise. 

“So,” Ranboo said.

“So,” Techno echoed.

“I don’t know how to start up a conversation. Uh. How long is your hair?”

Techno shrugged as the elevators dinged, indicating that one was now ready for them to step into. “Maybe about eighteen inches?”

“Oh, wow, that is long. Well, I mean, I already knew it was long, but,” Ranboo waved his hands around. “Y’know. The numbers like. Set it in place.”

Techno grunted. The elevator doors reopened with a ding, now opening up to the hotel lobby instead of a hallway full of doors. 

The two quietly made their way towards the hotel dining area. It was empty and relatively quiet, save for the couple sitting in the corner whispering quietly to themselves. 

Ranboo sat down at the nearest table. Techno made his way to the vending machine, sticking in a few coins and selecting an energy drink before settling down in the chair across from Ranboo.

“Why’d you even decide to grow your hair out and dye it in the first place?” Ranboo asked when Techno opened the can and began chugging the drink. 

“It’s called running on two hours of sleep, energy drinks, and not backing down from a dare, my friend,” he answered, setting the drink down with a soft _clang._ He shook his head slightly, forcing his hair to stray away from his face. 

“Does it ever get annoying to take care of?”

“Sometimes.”

Ranboo stared at Techno, thinking. “Have you ever tried braiding it?”

Techno blinked. “Um. Not really, why?”

“To feed the stans,” Ranboo deadpanned. “No. To _style_ it, obviously. What else?”

“Oh.” Techno shrugged, taking another sip of his drink. “No. I don’t really know how to braid.”

“...I could do it for you?” Ranboo offered hesitantly, a nervous smile on his lips. “I mean. You don’t have to accept, of course. But if you’d like, I know how to braid…?”

“Really?” Techno shifted in his seat. “Well, I don’t see why not.”

Ranboo’s smile widened. 

They sat there for quite some time, chatting quietly as Ranboo finished braiding Techno’s hair and finished it off with a convenient hair band Techno had had.

“Alright,” Ranboo took a step back, admiring his work, before grabbing his phone out of the pocket of his hoodie and unlocking it. He fumbled with it for a moment, before opening the camera app and passing it to Techno, “here, take a look.”

Techno took it from him, toying around with different angles to get a better look. An easy smile fell onto his face.

“Hey, that doesn’t look bad,” he said thoughtfully, glancing behind him to meet Ranboo’s nervous gaze, “Where’d you even learn how to braid that well?”

Ranboo shrugged, sliding back into his seat, “I don’t remember, honestly. Huh. Ironic.”

Techno snorted, handing the phone back to its owner. “Well, you really are good at it.”

Ranboo smiled sheepishly.

The two of them fell into aimless conversation once more. By now, neither of them could be sure what time it was. The couple that had occupied the table in the corner farthest from them had left ages ago now, which left them alone. 

After another twenty minutes of talking, it was becoming quite clear that the drowsiness was starting to catch up with Ranboo; his eyes were beginning to droop shut, and he was stifling yawns behind his hand.

Eventually, he’d passed out completely, slumped over with his head resting in his arms. There was no way Techno would let him sleep in a hotel lobby, but he didn’t want to wake him, so, naturally, he did what any responsible adult would do in this situation.

He carried him.

Originally, he thought it would be very difficult to do, given the fact that Ranboo was quite tall - taller than him, even, which was a bit of an achievement - but he really didn’t have to worry: Ranboo practically curled in on himself the moment Techno had picked him up, which made him appear much smaller than usual. 

They’d gotten quite a few looks from the staff and other inhabitants of the hotel that had been wandering the halls, but honestly, Techno was too tired to do anything more than send a glare in their vague direction as he waited for the elevator. 

Now, he’d made it back to the minors’ room without much difficulty, but the moment he reached the door, something clicked: Techno didn’t have a key, and he sure as hell wasn’t about to pat Ranboo down and check if he had one on him, either. He groaned internally, and began trudging towards his room.

He’d struggled to get the door open, standing awkwardly outside and fumbling with the key before he managed to unlock it, and nudged the door open with his foot. 

Techno had to hold back a snort the moment his eyes adjusted to the darkness around him: Fundy had been kicked out of his bed, and was now sprawled out on the floor, and Wilbur appeared to be inches from falling off of his.

Techno walked into the room, shutting the door behind him and doing his best to not trip over the luggage scattered on the floor.

He really needed to have a talk with the others about staying organized, but for now, he needed to focus on giving Ranboo a proper place to lie down in.

Techno shuffled over, slowly setting him down on the available space in Wilbur’s bed for the time being, allowing himself to move about quicker and get the pullout set up. 

He had managed to do so without causing much of a disturbance, and was relieved to see that Ranboo was still fast asleep. He scooped the other back into his arms, crossing the small threshold between the foot of Wilbur’s bed and the couch, and carefully laid him down on the pullout. 

Techno watched for a few seconds more as Ranboo seemed to discover the newfound availability of the space around him, before sauntering back over to Wilbur’s bed and grabbing the two spare pillows and a blanket that had been discarded, which were _supposed_ to be Techno’s, but he could do without them for tonight. 

He set the pillows near the other two that Ranboo already had, allowing him access to them if he needed it, and carefully draped the spare blanket over his sleeping figure.

Well, that had been easier than he thought it would be. 

Techno yawned, climbing into bed himself.

As cliche as it sounded, he passed out the second his head hit the pillow he had not-so-subtly stolen from Wilbur. 

He slept rather well that night.

* * *

“Is everyone here?” Phil asked loudly over the chatter. When no one answered, Sam just sighed and started doing a headcount, lightly tapping everyone’s heads as he did. 

“....Twenty-nine, thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two, and thirty-three. Yup, we’re all here.”

“Great.” Phil gently began nudging everyone towards the doors, sending apologetic looks to everyone they accidentally bumped into. “Come on, now, we’re on a schedule. We have a booking for the ten o’clock tour, we want to get there on time.”

“I’m hungry,” Skeppy whined. 

“That’s what you get for sleeping in and missing breakfast,” Bad scolded as the group split off in the hotel parking lot, rummaging through his backpack and pulling out a granola bar. “Here, you can have this and deal with it until we get lunch.” 

Skeppy grumbled, accepting the food. Bad rolled his eyes. 

“I’ve already been to the Statue of Liberty,” Skeppy grumbled, biting into the granola bar. “Why can’t we go to some candy shop or something?”

“Because this is how we planned the trip,” Bad answered. “Now stop complaining.”

Skeppy grumbled some more.

“Bad! You’ve got the address?”

Bad turned to Jimmy, grinning. “Yup! I’ll see you there!”

Jimmy gave him a thumbs up before moving onto the next group, double checking that everyone knew where they were going. 

Bad turned to Skeppy, grabbed his hand, and dropped the car keys in them. “You’re driving.”

Skeppy blinked, then looked at his newfound possession. “Whaurt?”

“You’re driving,” Bad repeated. “I want to do navigation. And don’t talk with food in your mouth, that’s disgusting!”

Skeppy rolled his eyes, shoving the rest of the food into his mouth before opening the car door, hopping in before Bad could say anything else. The passenger door opened not even a minute later, with Bad climbing in while still muttering about the rudeness of talking with your mouth full under his breath. 

Skeppy rolled his eyes fondly, starting the engine and waiting for the rest of their carpool group to get in the car. 

He smiled when Bad began rambling about the Statue of Liberty

He blatantly ignored the suggestive looks Ant and Red gave him when they climbed into the car. 

They could fuck off for all he cared. 

The trip was going well.

A little _too_ well.

Which was why when Tommy started being dramatic and half of the group began threatening to throw each other into the water, Sam was not one bit surprised. 

“Phil, Phil, PHIL!” Tommy shrieked, uncourteous of everyone else waiting both in front and behind them in the ticket line. “WILBUR IS TRYING TO THROW ME OFF!”

Wilbur, who was standing a good four feet away from him, stared at him. “Tommy, I haven’t even touched you-”

“PHIL, PHIL, HELP, HE’S TRYING TO-”

“Tommy, if you don’t shut the fuck up, I’ll start trying too!” Phil threatened, audibly done with his bullshit. 

Amidst the chaos, Techno snuck up and lifted Tommy up, sending him into another fit of shrieks. 

“Tubbo, Tubbo, TUBBO! HELP ME!”

“No,” came Tubbo’s automatic response, not taking his eyes off his phone. 

“WHAT- OW, TECHNO- WHY?”

“Yes.”

“That doesn’t make any _sense_?!” Tommy yelped. 

Tubbo just flashed him a brief grin before going back to whatever was on his phone. Tommy continued shrieking. 

Sam dragged a hand down his face. 

They weren’t the only ones doing this. To his right, Dream and George were doing something quite similar. 

“George,” Dream whined. “George. Georgeeeee. Georgieeee. Georgie poo. Gogyyy.” He pouted. “Why won’t you answer me?”

“Because you’re annoying,” Geroge retorted, blatantly ignoring Dream’s lighthearted poking. 

“If I were to, theoretically, stop being annoying, would you talk to me?”

George gave Dream a deadpan look. “If I were to, theoretically, attempt to throw you into the water-”

“Okay, okay, I’ll shut up!”

“Good grief.”

Sam rolled his eyes. The group in front of them moved, opening up the spot to the ticket booth. 

“Hello,” Sam greeted, giving the teller a smile as he stepped up. 

“Hello! How may I help you today?”

“Er, we’ve got a booking-” Sam began.

“Techno, stop trying to _throw me into the water!”_ Tommy yelled in the background

“For the ten o’clock tour-”

“George! Get off my _fucking back!”_ Sapnap screeched. 

“For thirty-”

“I SAID TOES!” Vurb cried. 

“-three people,” Sam finished. 

The ticket teller didn’t even blink. “What name is it under?”

“Uh,” Sam paused. “I have no idea. Dream, if I recall correctly?”

The teller typed it in, clicking a few things before giving Sam a smile. “Yup! Thirty-three bookings for the ten o’clock Statue of Liberty tour?”

“That’s the one, yup,” Sam confirmed. The teller clicked a few more things before handing Sam the tickets and bidding him a good tour and rest of the day. 

“Okay, everyone, let’s go!”

“VURB, GET AWAY FROM MY TOES!” Ponk wailed. 

Sam sighed. Puffy let out a pained laugh.

“They’re so chaotic, Puffy,” Sam moaned. 

“I know,” Puffy chuckled. “I know. But honestly, I’d be more worried if they _weren’t_ acting like this.”

Sam let out another groan. “I hate that you’re right.”

“SOMEBODY GET H AWAY FROM ME,” Fundy bawled, cringing away from said person. 

“We’re gonna die,” Puffy said. 

“Yeah,” Sam said. “We totally are.”

The cruise part of the trip was uneventful. Phil had sat them all down and sternly lectured all of them, telling them that if anyone even _hinted_ at doing something remotely dangerous or rule breaking worthy, he’d lock them out of the wifi for three days when they got back home. Everyone took that threat seriously, seating themselves and chatting quietly amongst themselves. Some of them had cameras out, recording the trip to turn into videos.

(Videos that might potentially end up being released anywhere between a week and a year after the trip, but the content and idea was what counted.)

Sam himself sat next to Ponk, who was aimlessly chatting about build ideas he had for the SMP. Currently, he was rambling about the destruction of his original lemon tree and how he planned on rebuilding it at an undisclosed location, not-so-subtly jabbing at George the whole time. 

“Now, if you look in the distance,” Ranboo whispered dramatically, sitting in front of Sam with a camera aimed towards the other side of the boat where Tommy and Tubbo were sitting, in deep conversation. “We’ve got a wild Tommyinnit in the distance, in its natural habitat. Watch carefully.”

Tommy said something before laughing, slapping Tubbo’s back and grinning widely. Tubbo thrusted his phone into Tommy’s face, pointing at whatever was on the screen and talking rapid fire. 

“The wild Tommyinnit appears to be interacting with a wild Tubbo-underscore, how fascinating,” Ranboo commented comically. 

“Now, if you wait and watch,” Phil added, smirking playfully. “You’ll see that this peaceful behavior is only seen when Tommyinnit is interacting with Tubbo-underscore.”

They sat quietly and waited, camera still aimed towards the two. When George turned to Tommy to ask him something and Tommy responded with exaggeration motions and clear sass, Phil and Ranboo looked at each other and promptly burst out laughing. 

“The flowers are so pretty!” Niki mentioned, smiling brightly and taking pictures with her phone. The island was vast, with richly colored grass taking up large sections and colorful fall leaves decorating the top of the grass like sprinkles on a cupcake. 

Puffy smiled. It really was a beautiful sight. 

The statue itself was as grand as it was said to be.

Puffy hummed to herself, following the group and distantly listening to Phil lecture everyone about being polite and not creating a scene. To the side, Dream was asking who wanted to climb to the crown of the statue. 

Puffy was surprised; getting tickets to see the Statue of Liberty was hard enough; getting tickets to climb to the crown was nearly impossible. Yet somehow, Dream had managed to reserve five of them, for a sixth of the whole group to go up and experience the opportunity. 

Puffy already knew she was not going to be one of those people. 

The statue was _tall._ That meant the walk up would be long and very likely to be difficult. And as fit as she was, Puffy was most definitely not going to put herself through that. 

Instead, she’d watch the people who wanted to go suffer. 

She was prepared though. She’d brought a few extra water bottles and a handful of fruit snacks and granola bars in case anyone got hungry or ran out of their own water. She wasn’t the only one who’d done so as well, so she believed they’d all survive until they got to their lunch reservation. 

Puffy greatly underestimated how quickly those fuckers could get hungry. 

So far, while waiting for the daring souls who’d wanted to climb the statue to return, she’d ran out of granola bars, half of her fruit snack stash, and had all but one water bottle taken. 

When she asked Sam, Bad, Phil and Hbomb how their respective stashes were doing, they all responded with similar results. 

“Is it just me, or has Quackity been stealing all your fruit snacks?” Bad asked, shuffling through his bag as they waited for the five brave climbers to return from their trip. “I’m pretty sure he’s taken like two-thirds of my stash.”

“Karl’s been stealing most of mine,” Sam responded. “Well, not _steal,_ obviously, but he keeps asking for them.”

“My stash was depleted five minutes into the cruise ride by Wilbur and Tubbo, so I wouldn’t know,” Phil piped up. “All I have left is water and two granola bars.”

“You poor man,” Hbomb said. “You poor, poor father.”

“Never get kids,” Phil deadpanned. “It’s a horrible experience.”

“Kids are okay,” Bad hummed. “At least most of them are. If you get stuck with five year olds like George and Sapnap though, then yeah, I could see why that might be a horrible experience.”

“I like kids,” Puffy supplied. “Especially the overbearingly sweet ones. You can never say no to them.”

Everyone hummed in agreement. 

“Are we talking about kids here? Children? Hmm?” 

Phil let out a tired sigh. 

“Hello, Tommy,” Sam greeted, giving him his signature smile and offering him a fruit snack package. “How are you doing?”

“Good, good, Big S! How are you all? What is being discussed?”

“Kids,” Bad said. 

“Kids,” Tommy repeated, ripping open the fruit snack from Sam and popping one in his mouth. “Aquired through the art of sex. Interesting. Shall I whip out my How to Sex books for this? Maybe even all three volumes?”

“Language!” Bad scolded as Phil let out an impossibly deep sigh. 

“So, should I?” Tommy asked, taking out his phone. “I have it right here-”

“Please don’t,” Sam said at the same time Hbomb answered with, “You’re _what_ books?”

Puffy groaned alongside Phil when Tommy’s eyes filled with horror. “Big H, are you not aware of my How to Sex books?”

“Well, I’ve heard of them,” Hbomb said. 

“Oh, okay. Good, good.” 

Phil let out a sigh of relief. 

Sam’s phone rang. He picked up, pressing the device up against his right ear and squinting into the distance. “Hello?”

Some incomprehensible squabbles. 

“Yeah. Uh-huh.”

Some more squabbling.

“Yeah. Uh, go straight and then left towards where the lockers are. We’re in the field like right next to them.” 

More noises. Sam hung up, pocketing the phone. 

“Are they back?” Puffy asked hopefully. As patient as she typically was, she was _starving_ and wanted to go eat a proper meal. 

Sam grinned. “Hey, everyone!” 

Everyone glanced at him, giving him their attention.

“Who’s hungry?”

Several raised hands and noises of agreement. 

“Well, y'all are in luck, because we’re going to be heading out to that lunch reservation real soon!”

Whoops and cheers of celebration met the declaration. 

If Puffy was one of them, no one needed to know. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> join our discord! it's pretty poggers we thinks owo  
> https://discord.gg/K9JgJSAkRq


	6. speedrunning a shit + speedrunning away from people

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> karl: would you hurry up? you’ve been in there for like, what, twenty minutes?
> 
> quackity: well what do you want me to do, karl? speedrun my shit?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jem: heLLOO holy shit thank you all so so much for 10k+ hits. pls know we appreciate every single one of you guys and we are sorry for going so long without updating TvT. have fun with this chapter! Next Up: somebody's brithday!:eyes: 
> 
> mars: heLLO. we have 10.4k hits now, which is fucking pogchamp and feels very unreal but thank you guys. i hope youre enjoying the hell you dragged yourself into by clicking on this. uh. yeah. :DD
> 
> rea: HELLO CHILDREN. MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL FOR READING THIS EVEN THOUGH WE'RE ALL SLEEP DEPRIVED. JOIN THE DISCORD ITS VERY POG. (alsoalso, we're posting this on mars' birthday so wish xem a happy birthday or i will punt you into the sun :] ) LOVE YALL

New York was a relatively nice place. 

The people Punz was there with, however, were not.

Namely Hbomb, Wilbur, and, surprisingly, Ranboo.

Hbomb was simply torturing him, rather than Fundy (for some reason) with catmaid bits. Wilbur was just being… well, Wilbur. And Ranboo was just being a competitive asshole. 

Well. It was more him playfully rubbing things in his face rather than being competitive, but still. It was annoying the hell out of Punz and that's what mattered. 

“Punz, you look like you’re about to pop a vein,” Wilbur noted casually as Punz tapped furiously away on his phone, trying to drown out the excessive amount of noise surrounding him. “Are you alright?”

“Am I alright? Am I  _ alright?!”  _ Punz exploded, throwing his hands in the air and drawing looks from others standing in the lobby. “I am  _ suffering!  _ H won’t leave me alone, Ranboo won’t stop rubbing his wins in my face, you won’t shut up, Tommy won’t shut up, half of the people here won’t shut up, Dream is ignoring me because George is a clingy asshole and is annoyed that Dream played along with the whole “you betrayed me!” bit we’ve been doing for ages, and-”

“Okay,” Phil said, placing a hand on Punz’s shoulder (effectively shutting him up) and looking at everyone with a rather intimidating stare. “Everyone will shut up and behave from this minute onward. Lower your voices a bit if you’re going to chat. Stop tormenting others. And for the love of god,  _ please  _ stop messing up your suits. It’s like half of you guys have never worn one before.”

Everyone grumbled but complied, quieting down a bit. Tommy stopped playing with his tie, guiltily straightening his suit. 

“We got the food!” Karl exclaimed, quickly approaching them with arms full of snacks. Quackity and Sapnap followed closely behind, arms also full of snacks. “We can go find our seats now.”

They all complied, moving in a hoard towards the theater. The ticket person took their stack of tickets, scanning them and giving them the much needed directions to their seats. Everyone trailed after Ponk, who’d somehow ended up at the very front of their group while talking to Sam. 

The theater was large. Expected of a New York City Broadway theater, Punz supposed. It was simple but grand, and the seats looked very comfortable. 

Good. Punz needed comfortable.

They all piled into their seats, lightly shoving and pushing as they fought to sit next to their closest friends. Punz just sat down on the first available seat, letting out a deep groan. 

“You okay, dude?” Eret asked, giving Punz a concerned look. Punz waved it off. 

“I’m alright. Just a bit exhausted from all the hyperactive idiots we’re surrounded by.”

“You take that back!” Tubbo exclaimed playfully from behind him, leaning forward and sticking his head right by Punz’s. Punz leaned away slightly, smiling passive-aggressively. “No.”

“Take it back!”

“Nah.”

“Take it bac-”

“Quiet down a little,” Sam scolded gently, seating himself on the other side of Punz. “The show’s going to be starting soon. Tubbo, get back in your seat please.”

“Okay, Sam,” Tubbo obeyed, sitting down and going back to his conversation with Ranboo and Tommy. Punz let out another sigh. 

“It gets exhausting sometimes, dealing with them,” Sam hummed, quirking an eyebrow at Punz. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” Punz answered. “And sick of everyones bullshit.”

Sam nodded sympathetically. “I get that. Do you have a headache?”

Punz shook his head. “No. Any more of this chaotic shit though, and I might just get one.”

“Well, let me know if you do develop one,” Sam chuckled. “I’ve got some ibuprofen that you can take if you need something to ease the pain.”

“Thanks,” Punz said. “You’re pretty great, has anyone ever told you that?”

Sam shrugged. “I suppose. Really, I’m just doing my part in keeping everyone in line. Don’t want Phil to die trying to handle everyone by himself, y’know?”

Punz laughed, leaning back in his seat. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah. I get that.”

The lights chose that moment to dim. The whole theater immediately quieted, the louder chatter dipping instantly to quiet whisperings. Punz almost laughed out loud at how dimming lights were just as effective as Philza’s death glares in quieting his noisy-as-fuck housemates. 

“Oo, it’s starting,” Bad whispered. Punz could practically hear Skeppy’s eye roll as he responded (rather fondly, Punz noted with a smirk) with, “Yeah, so shut up, Bad.”

Bad shut up. The show began.

Big man Tommyinnit was having the time of his life. 

Hamilton? Live? At fucking  _ Broadway?  _ One of the best things Tommy had ever had the honor of attending. 

He was fucking  _ jamming.  _

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone to watch something live on stage. It didn’t really matter though - he was having such a great time at the moment. 

Beside him, Wilbur was singing along under his breath, tapping his foot and nodding along to the rhythm. He looked ready to hop on stage and start dancing along. Tommy didn’t blame him - if he could, he’d do the exact same thing. 

Phil was giggling silently at them, shoulders shaking as he hid his smile behind his hand. Beside him, Techno made absolutely no move to hide the fact that he was laughing at them, lips quirked up in a smirk and shoulders vibrating, signifying his quiet laughter. 

Tommy flipped them off. They both offered the finger right back at him.

He could hear someone behind them sigh in exasperation. Tommy couldn’t bring himself to care; after all, nothing could ruin this experience.

Okay. One thing could ruin this experience. 

One might ask,  _ what could it possibly be?  _

Dream and George’s very,  _ very  _ obvious sexual tension. 

Really, what else could it possibly be?

(Certainly not  _ another certain duo’s very obvious mutual pining.  _ No, definitely not.)

Currently, they were at the  _ Say No To This _ scene, and Dream and George  _ would not stop glancing at each other.  _

Tommy wanted to scream. But really, who could blame him? Those two had enough sexual tension for ten couples. It was rather astounding that they still weren’t together. If Tommy gave more than two shits about it, he would’ve probably already tried getting them to go on a date. But, alas, it’d never been a problem in Tommy’s life up until now, so he’d never bothered to do anything of the sort.

The point here was, their sexual tension was ruining the show and Tommy was about to punch both of them for it. 

No one else seemed to notice the two besides Sapnap, but he didn’t look one bit mad. In fact, he was smirking at them, waggling his eyebrows at the duo only to get half hearted glares back from both of them. 

Tommy momentarily considered giving Sapnap a bloody nose as well. He immediately took that back when Sapnap hissed, “Okay it was funny at first but now it’s too much - can you two  _ please  _ stop staring at each other? The sexual tension you guys are radiating is insane.”

Dream and George both flushed red, turning to stare distractedly at the stage. 

Tommy made a mental note to buy Sapnap Chick-fil-A as a thank you. 

“Man, that was great!” Eret exclaimed, stretching his arms out as they walked out, the cool night air hitting his face. “I can’t wait to get out of this suit though.”

“No kidding,” Dream groaned beside him. “As great as the show was, I cannot  _ wait  _ to get back into my sweats.”

Eret heard George hum in agreement from behind them. As they walked, he distantly caught wind of Quackity teasing Sapnap. 

“I can’t believe you  _ cried!”  _ Quackity exclaimed, slapping Sapnap’s back and wheezing hard enough to rival Dream. “It’s not  _ that  _ emotional - man, are you really that big of a softie?”

“Leave me alone,” Sapnap grumbled. Karl gave him a sympathetic shoulder pat, smiling softly. “It was sad, okay?”

“Not that sad,” Quackity countered as Eret asked Dream if Sapnap had actually cried. 

“He did,” Dream confirmed. “When Hamilton’s son died. It wasn’t like, bawling though. Just a few tears.”

“Ah.”

“Mhm. I can’t lie though, it  _ was  _ kinda sad. Not enough to cry, but definitely sad.”

Eret hummed. He’d already seen Hamilton multiple times, so he fully expected it. He hadn’t expected anyone to cry though.

_ Heh.  _ Eret thought as everyone began piling into the cars to leave.  _ Pussies. _

* * *

Tommy couldn’t sleep. 

Usually, he could sleep fine. But tonight, his dreams wouldn’t leave him alone. And when a nightmare woke him up for the third time that night, he’d had enough. 

He sat up in the plush hotel bed, careful not to wake Tubbo. Pushing the sheets off of himself, he moved to stand up and stretched briefly before grabbing his phone and stepping outside his room into the hallway. 

Tommy paused.

_Fuck._ _Which room was Philza’s again?_

He stood there, eyes half open and brain fuzzy as he tried to recall which room Phil was rooming in. When he drew up a blank after more than five minutes of thinking, he yawned and began shuffling down the hallway, taking a wild guess and knocking on the door to room 266 lightly. 

He hoped it was the right room. He didn’t want to burden anyone he wasn’t close with with two am nightmare problems. 

No one answered. Tommy knocked again, though a bit more hesitantly. “....Phil?”

He stood there hesitantly. It was highly probable that Phil was sleeping, and even more likely that he couldn’t hear the soft knocking from Tommy. Sighing, he began turning to return to his room when the door creaked open softly. 

He turned around, wide eyed, to stare at Sam, who had a pair of black glasses perched on his nose, eyes bleary and definitely half asleep. He was dressed in grey sweats and a faded creeper t-shirt, feet bare. He seemed to straighten at the sight of Tommy. 

“Tommy?”

“Sorry,” Tommy rushed out, babbling. “Sorry to bother you. I, uh, thought this was someone else’s room. Sorry, I’ll go-”

“No, no! It’s okay!” Sam said, peering at Tommy. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Tommy answered, talking much too quickly for it to actually be nothing. “No. I- I’m okay. It’s fine. Just-”

“Tommy,” Sam said, voice slow and grounding. “Tommy. Relax. Breathe.” 

Tommy tensed.

“Relax,” Sam repeated, tone soft. “Nothing’s gonna hurt you.”

Tommy relaxed a tiny bit. Sam gave him a smile.

“There you go. Now breathe steadily for me?”

_ In two, out four.  _ Tommy forced himself to slow his breathing down, relaxing completely. 

“There we go. Now, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Um.” Tommy hesitated. He considered his options and outcomes. On one hand, he could deny everything and go back to bed, but have a higher risk of falling victim to another nightmare. On the other, he could tell Sam and end up burdening him with unnecessary things. But if he told Sam, he would probably be able to sleep well for the rest of the night. But that was if he was-

“Tommy.” Sam’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked at him. Sam’s eyes were wrinkled in worry. “Hey. You know you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, right? If you’re uncomfortable with telling me, you don’t have to.”

Tommy relaxed at that. 

“But I’d like to help, if I can,” Sam continued, voice gentle. “But if you’d rather just sit with someone else for a little bit, I can do that too.”

“Really?”

Sam nodded. 

“Can… You really wouldn’t mind? I know it’s late, and I probably woke you up, so I understand if you’d like to just go to sleep.”

“Now, what kind of person would I be if I just left a teenager moping around about something at two am in a hotel hallway hours away from home by themself?” Sam said, cracking a smile. “Let me go grab my room key and we can sit out in the hallway for a bit.”

Tommy nodded. 

Sam did as he said - he returned not even a minute later with his phone and keycard in hand, lightly shutting the door behind him and immediately flopping down onto the floor. He patted the spot next to him.

Tommy sat down. 

“I had a nightmare,” He blurted out before he could stop himself. Sam didn’t show any signs of repulsion, humming lightly to show that he was listening. Tommy took that as a safe sign to continue. “It wasn’t like one of those ‘something is chasing you through the dark woods’ kind of scary though. It, um.” Tommy paused. Sam gave him an encouraging nod. 

“Well. It seems kind of stupid, but it’s about everyone leaving me. Like. Phil, Tubbo, Techno, Wilbur, all of you guys, all of my friends, all of my family. I lose popularity, no one loves me anymore, that kinda thing.”

“That’s not stupid,” Sam said quietly after a momentary silence. “I get that. It’s not stupid, Tommy, and I can promise you right now that that will never happen. Would you like a hug?”

Tommy nodded. Sam gave him a side hug, touch light. 

“Thanks,” Tommy muttered after the hug was released. 

Sam hummed. “It’s approaching three am now. Do you want to go back to bed or stay out a bit longer?”

“I’ll head back,” Tommy answered. “Um. Thanks, again. Goodnight.”

“Sleep well,” Sam offered, smiling as he stood up and waved him off. Tommy waved as well, heading back to his room feeling much better than he had half an hour ago. 

* * *

“Dude!” Karl banged on the bathroom door, mildly irritated. “You’ve been in there for like twenty minutes, can you hurry up?”

“Well, what do you want me to do, Karl?” Quackity’s voice floated past the door. “Speedrun my shit?”

George choked on his water. Dream wheezed. 

“Actually, yes,” Karl replied, not even the tiniest bit phased by Quackity’s sass. “We have to leave in like, forty minutes and only Sapnap and George have gotten a chance to wash up. Speedrun your shit and finish in five minutes or I will find a honking employee and get them to unlock this bathroom so I can wash up.”

“Okay, okay,” Quackity surrendered, voice slightly muffled. “Five minutes. I got it.”

“Thank you. And Sapnap, get off the bed and put on some clothes!”

“Mmnnff,” Was his reply. 

“Dream, what color is this?” George asked, holding up a dark red t-shirt. 

“Red,” Dream replied, tossing keys and his wallet onto the bed, narrowly missing Sapnap. “Is that all you’re gonna wear?”

“Probably.”

Dream’s eyebrows furrowed. “Do you want a hoodie to go with it? Weather reports say that it’s supposed to get cold today.”

“Oh.” George looked surprised, like he hadn’t expected Dream to care so much. “Yeah, sure.”

“Aren’t like, half the clothes that you packed hoodies though?” Sapnap asked, voice muffled by a pillow. 

Karl threw another pillow at him, shushing him rather aggressively. 

“Let them flirt,” he hissed. Sapnap threw the pillow back at him. 

Behind him, Dream and George both flushed. 

“Okay!” Quackity declared, throwing open the bathroom door unnecessarily dramatically and strutting out. “I have completed my shit! You can do your washing up now.” He glanced at Sapnap, who still had his face buried in a pillow, half dressed, then looked at Dream, who was laughing as he struggled to get a hoodie over George’s head. 

“All I did was go take a shit, why does Sapnap look like he just came back from a four month hiking trip through hell and why are you two being all-” Quackity waved his arm around helplessly. “-cutesy?”

“Shut up,” George answered defensively, his embarrassed tone muffled by the hoodie that was yet to get over his head. Dream just wheezed harder. 

“I didn’t trek through hell for four months, to be clear,” Sapnap offered, lifting his head off of the pillow. “But I certainly  _ feel  _ like I did.”

“Must suck,” Quackity offered before opening his suitcase, searching for something suitable to wear to the Empire State Building.

“Ow!” George yelped as the hoodie roughly made it’s way past his head and onto his body. “Okay, we’re never doing that again.”

“But-”

“No,” George cut in, glaring playfully at Dream before rolling his eyes. “We’re never doing it again.”

“Fine.”

“Now go and get ready, you big goof.”

Dream rolled his eyes. “We have plenty of time.”

(They ended up being the last group out the hotel and almost ruined the reservation. Quackity had laughed and blamed Dream for it. Dream, in return, threatened to take away his wifi, saying it was  _ his  _ fault for taking such a long shit. Karl sided with Dream. Sapnap and George had just watched and laughed.)

* * *

  
The trip had gone exceptionally well. 

Somehow, they’d managed to avoid crossing paths with fans the whole time, which was a huge shock to all of them. But that didn’t quite mean they were safe though. 

They still had approximately eighteen hours to go. And right now, everyone was split into four groups, touring freely around the city. 

And currently, Sam was hyper aware of a group of teenagers that hadn’t stopped following them for the past ten minutes. 

“Is it just me,” Punz finally whispered. “Or is that group of kids following us?”

“Definitely following us,” Sam answered. “For at least ten minutes, too. It’s creeping me out.”

_ “Ten?  _ What the fuck. Dream. Yo, Dream.”

Dream glanced at them. “Yeah?”

“There’s a group of teenagers following us.”

“I noticed,” Dream said. “I thought that if we kept walking we’d either lose them or they’d go away.”

“Dream,” Sam said, voice dripping with sarcasm. “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but we’re walking around in a group of eight, and three of us are above six feet tall. We’re not exactly the easiest group to lose.”

“Okay, okay, good point. I still wanna see if they lose interest though.”

“Fine. We’ll give it fifteen minutes  _ max.” _

Dream nodded. They continued walking.

The teens continued following. 

“Are they trying to be subtle about it?” George finally piped up after the kids had ducked into an alleyway for the sixth time. “Because if they are, they are doing a  _ horrible  _ job at it.”

“Like you can say shit about being  _ subtle, _ ” Sapnap mumbled.

George kicked him. Karl caught him before he tripped and face planted.

“Okay, it’s been twelve minutes and they are yet to show any signs of disinterest,” Sam reported. 

“If anything, I think they’re even more interested,” Ponk supplied happily. 

Sam groaned. “Not exactly what we want, Ponky.”

“Stop flirting,” Quackity interrupted. “And start thinking. We need to lose them.”

“I think they’re fans,” Dream said.

“If they are, they sure have a creepy way of showing it.”

“Maybe they’re shy?”

They all stared at Dream. “They’ve been  _ stalking _ us for like _ half an hour.” _

“Okay, okay, claim proven wrong. What now?”

“Well, we have to lose them somehow,” Punz said, tapping his chin. “We can’t risk having them follow us to the hotel, especially if they are fans. Who knows what they’ll do. We also have to try and not get identified by anyone else, but that just depends on our luck. And we’ve got to meet back with the others at the pizza place in approximately-” Punz checked the time. “-forty-two minutes, so we better speedrun this.”

“Any ideas?”

No one said anything. 

“Seriously? Not one?”

“We could just run,” Karl suggested, laughing. 

“Literally speedrun getting away from them,” Dream said, pointing at Karl like he’d just won the Nobel Prize. “You’re a genius. Great idea.” He clapped his hands. “I hope everyone has enough athletic ability to live running for a couple minutes.”

“I was  _ joking,”  _ Karl said, eyes widening. “It was a  _ joke.” _

“Well, I’m not!” Dream said, running in place while everyone else just looked at him like he’d grown a third eye. “Get ready! We’re gonna blast through these New York Streets and lose those people.”

“I said I was JOKING!” Karl yelped, scrambling to properly pocket all the random things he was holding. 

“And I said I wasn’t!” Dream said, jogging off. “Don’t fall behind if you don’t wanna get lost!”

“For the last time!” Karl hollored, running after Dream. “I WAS JOKING!”

“Just run!” George yelled. “And next time, don’t suggest actually doable solutions to Dream, because he  _ will  _ do them!”

“Lesson learned, thanks!”

“Why the fuck are you guys panting so hard?” Phil asked when they stumbled into the pizza place. “Did you guys go run a marathon or something?”

“We were getting followed,” Sam offered, breathing deeply. “So Karl jokingly suggested that we run to lose them, and Dream being the crazy person he is, decided that was a good idea and just started  _ sprinting.” _

“How else were we supposed to lose them?!”

Sam held up a finger at him, as if to say, ‘ _ No, absolutely not, shut up. Not now. I will not tolerate this bullshit,’  _ only to pause and put it back down, unable to find a good counter argument. Dream grinned triumphantly.

Phil sighed. “Just sit down, mates. Everyone else should be here shortly.”

Sam took in a large sip of water.

“SAM!”

Sam choked, sputtering as Tommy aggressively patted his back. “How’d it go?”

“Great,” Sam wheezed out. “Tommy- please-”

“HOLY SHIT! YOU GUYS REALLY  _ ARE _ FROM THE DREAM SMP!”

Horrified, they all turned to stare at the door.

There stood the group of teenagers they’d spent a good five minutes sprinting around trying to lose, looking triumphant. 

“I  _ knew  _ they were fans!” 

Everyone else groaned.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://discord.gg/pActtMF8


End file.
